first things first

The first day of the first month of the first year of a new decade. Happy New Year!

The first moments of 2020 were spent at home with The Husband, toasting to the year that has passed, and the one that is to come, watching fireworks through the window, speaking to family and quietly wishing our two sleeping boys a Happy New Year. The next few hours were then spent ricocheting between their two bedrooms, providing cuddles, water, toilet trips, medicine and nose wipes! After they both had vaccinations in the morning, I had anticipated a restless night, and it wasn't too awful, although napping in the nursery chair and then curling up in a toddler bed made the clean bedding in our room all the more appealing when I finally made it there to sleep.

2019 was the first year as parents to two, and as I wandered to and fro across the landing in the small hours of the morning, it felt like a fitting tribute to the year just gone. It has been hard, a constant sense of being divided, worrying that neither is getting the best of me, often feeling like we are just about surviving the days, lurching from one miniature drama to another. I reflected as I sat rocking J, while he drifted off to sleep absentmindedly pinching me, and I snuggled up with T, contorted around him between the bed guard and the Gruffalo, drawn from one cry to another and increasingly desperate for sleep. Despite the tiredness, the discomfort, the sense again of just trying to hold things together as best as possible, it was still a privilege, however weary we felt this morning, to start this year being their comfort, soothing them, revelling in their beautiful sleepy faces and the incredible peace of their cuddles.

Today was the first family meal of the year, with my parents and Grandad. Good food, relaxed company, pulling crackers, telling jokes (or one joke over and over and over and over in the case of T!), sticker books and toys. It has been lovely, restful, calm. Just for a brief moment I closed my eyes and remembered this time last year, overwhelmed with a brand new baby and a toddler, wondering how life would ever feel manageable again. I realised that it is better than manageable, that despite an intense year, both for us and the wider family, life is good, the boys are a joy, we are not without challenges, hard days, tough moments, but we are happy, and oh so very lucky.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy year ahead, thank you, as always, for stopping by.

first things first

The first of April.

The first day of a new week, a new month, and it feels like a new season as we start to adjust to the clocks going forward too!

The first time here as a mum of two boys, as our second son was born in December. There feels like too much to write to know where to start, so all I will say for now is that he is wonderful, happy and healthy, I found the pregnancy tough but the delivery went really well, and T has taken to being a big brother brilliantly. We are very lucky, if also a little exhausted.

The first trip to the library today in a few weeks, only to find that one of our favourite librarians is leaving. We first met him when I was on maternity leave with T, and the library became one of the first places I visited regularly, a haven to a new mum, and brimming with nostalgia as I attended story and song sessions in the same room that I had loved to visit with my own mum many years ago. T knows him by name and talks about him every time we pass the library, he encouraged me to attend the book group, where I made my first real "mum friends", and he will be sorely missed.

It has taken me far longer than it would seem to write the above, interspersed as it has been with multiple episodes of settling the baby back to sleep! I am going to leave it there, with a hope to be back again soon.

first things first

The first of September.

The first week of Bake Off - did you watch it? I spent some of today valiantly attempting the Wagon Wheel technical challenge (post to follow), and reminded myself of the many reasons why it is better, in this instance, to watch than take part. They were not a complete disaster though, and I even managed to restore the kitchen to a relatively acceptable state, which I think The Husband felt was a particularly noteworthy first.

The first night in recent days where I actually had to sing to T at bedtime. After a few days of illness, including the gut-wrenching call from nursery to say he was not himself and had a temperature, and a trip to the doctor yesterday when he suddenly went downhill, he happily seems to be improving today. The last few evenings he has been asleep almost immediately after his bath, and as he requested one song after another tonight and then lay chatting to himself in the dark, it was nice to feel like he was getting back to his usual self.

The first quiet weekend in a while. We were actually due to be at a friend's daughter's birthday party tomorrow, but thought we should probably not turn up with a poorly, germ-ridden toddler. And so it is, after busy birthday celebrations, and then an intense stretch of shifts at work, including the Bank Holiday weekend, it is nice to have some slower-paced days ahead.

September also brings with it the first days of my third trimester. Time appears to be flying by at an alarming rate, and so I find myself without that usual nostalgic new beginnings feeling (usually accompanied by new stationery) that I usually associate with this time of year. Instead I feel more on a slow countdown to December, enjoying life as we are, and anticipating instead the new beginnings that for now, are just around the corner.

We had a visit from a plasterer this week too, the first forays in to moving T to a "big boy" bedroom. While the co-ordinating of the different jobs, and the clearing out of the room do not fill me with immediate joy, especially as the latter has developed into a clear out of two or three other rooms as well, I am very excited for him to have his first proper childhood room. I can't wait to get on with picking colours, and fabrics, finding homes for his favourite things and creating a space for the lovely little boy he has grown into.

And so September is here, bringing with it the first days of Autumn, the promise of cooler days, cosy evenings, and my favourite part of the year.

two years

Somehow, in what feels like an instant, we are talking in years, rather than months, and I have a little

boy, not a baby. And what a little boy he is! He is such a character now, in the most delightful way, and loves to make others laugh. He can be a great mimic, and loves doing different voices. It is lovely to hear him, entirely lacking in any sense of  being self-conscious, singing at the top of his voice, purely for his own amusement. The rainbow song and 1,2,3,4,5 are some highlights of his repertoire, but my favourite is still hearing him call Humpty Dumpty "Hoppy Doppy", one of those childhood variations we have now all adopted.

However, despite his brilliant sense of humour, and his easy, beautifully affectionate nature with those he is close to, he also remains studiously inquisitive. We have taken him to a few children's theatre productions, and he watches intensely, taking in every detail, which he then animatedly recounts later. Given a new toy or in a new place he still likes to get to grips with how everything works, and with new books he listens intently and then likes to go back through pointing everything out. Books are a real shared love of us all, we go to the library each week, and I adore cuddling up with him reading stories, increasingly amazed by how many books he can recite off by heart. Favourites at the moment are the "What the Ladybird Heard" series, an "Alfie" book by Shirley Hughes which gave me all sorts of childhood nostalgia when he got it, and anything by Rachel Bright.

Given the chance he would be engrossed in a screen, and while it is nice to see him enjoying favourite programmes like In The Night Garden and Hey Duggee, I find it fascinating and worrying in equal measure how completely absorbed he becomes when they come on! Whilst I don't doubt the screen will be a useful diversion at times, particularly when the second baby comes along, I try to make sure it isn't how we spend the majority of our time, and also try to talk about things when we watch them. For his birthday, though, he got some toys with his favourite characters on, like a Peppa Pig tea set, and trains and books from In The Night Garden, and it has been lovely to watch him play with those. Diggers, blocks and tools are also popular, and he got out his own hammer and screwdriver to help his daddy put together some of his birthday toys! We also really noticed on holiday how much he loves exploring new places, be it a national trust garden, the seaside, or a playground, so we are trying to make it a more regular weekend activity to go out on "adventures" even if it just for a trip to a new park.

Our days have lots of little routines, which I love sharing with him. From a bath and a book before bedtime, saying goodbye to Millie when we leave, to going shopping, for breakfast and then swimming on our Wednesdays off together, I take joy in the tiny traditions we are creating. He chatters away, and I adore how we have got to the point of having proper conversations, and how well he communicates. We have, in recent months, entered the realms of pretend play, and his birthday gifts included a playhouse and kitchen, resulting in endless tea parties in the last few days. 

I won't pretend he is perfect, he can be cheeky, and gets giddy when he is tired. He has also developed an incredible skill for selective hearing, especially when tidying up or stopping doing something is involved. Tantrums are not unheard of, but currently aren't too frequent, and he can more often than not be quite quickly distracted. Bedtime and mealtimes can be a source of immense frustration, but not consistently so, and the vast majority of the time he makes parenting feel very easy. We haven't had too much experience of the irrational, illogical part of toddler personality yet (except one notable occasion when he cried because he wanted a yoghurt, while eating his yoghurt), though I am sure there is plenty to come.

He continues to be incredibly adaptable, having moved up to a new room at nursery this month with seemingly minimal fuss. It was incredible to watch through the door as he quickly joined straight in with new people in a new environment, and to hear how well he has settled in. On most days he eats really well, loves all sorts of fruit and quite a variety of vegetables, though at nursery he can be a bit hit and miss. He loves a "cappuccino" made of frothy milk, and is gradually trying more meat, though his favourite is definitely sausage. He absolutely has a sweet tooth, though for him the best part of his birthday cake has been blowing out the candles! He likes to help in the kitchen and will stir, pour, and join in as much as possible given the chance. He also loves to play in the sink, and can amuse himself for ages given a basin of water and lots of containers to splash about with.

My favourite picture from his birthday is the one above, because to me it represents so well what he has brought to our lives. He went around the whole of the zoo like this, arms flung wide as he dashed from one place to the next, the epitome of joy and excitement. It is such a daily revelation to see life through the eyes of a child, especially one who is so happy, and so open to the amazement of the world around him. He reminds me so frequently to giggle at the silliest things, to find awe and wonder in the simplest moments, to always be overjoyed to see those that you love and to not take anything too seriously, or for granted. I can't believe he has been part of our worlds for two years already, and I am so incredibly grateful for every single day we have had, and all that is to come.

sunday sense check

Seeing

The Husband got an email advertising free tickets to a local CBBC event this weekend, so we spent a lovely few hours there today. We had fun enjoying the sunshine, and the general festival atmosphere, and T was excited to recognise one or two characters from television. He loved running through the walled garden and seeing the animals in the farm too. It was great to have time as a family experiencing new things, something which we realised on holiday we wanted to try and do more of at weekends. We may have enjoyed some family nap time when we got home though!

Hearing

The incredible sound of our baby's heartbeat. We went this week for the 20 week scan, and all seemed well other than a baby rather like its mum who clearly felt that 8.30 in the morning was not a polite time to be bothered and so refused to cooperate with all of the efforts (mostly mine - examination couch yoga anyone?) to coax it into a more favourable position. Everything looked fine but we have to pop back in the next few weeks to try and finish off, and hopefully a late afternoon appointment will mean it is more amenable to a bit of activity. From there we popped to the antenatal unit at the hospital for some paperwork and caused a bit of panic when they realised I had been discharged from consultant care and that my community midwife appointment hadn't happened yet. It is all fine and sorted but the midwife there did a review and we got to hear the heart beating away which was a great end to the morning's appointments.

Smelling

Nothing that I can particularly remember, although the farmyard animals in the warm sunshine had a particularly pungent aroma today, as I'm sure you might imagine.

Tasting

Some hearty home cooking has been on the menu this weekend, toad in the hole last night and shepherd's pie this evening, after a few hours in the kitchen yesterday during nap time. It had been cooler earlier in the week when I did the shopping, and I can't claim that the idea of either meal particularly appealed in the hot weather but they turned out well and it was good to spend some time pottering in the kitchen with the radio on.

Feeling

A little overwhelmed that the weekend is over already. It has been a good balance, with a productive day yesterday and then a trip out doing something a little different today. It does seem to have gone really quickly though, and being out and about both days has meant that home feels a little unloved and I don't feel quite as prepared for the week ahead as I might like. However, there is always tomorrow for getting sorted, and right now I definitely feel ready for bed! 

first things first

The first of August.

The first time I've been here in quite a while. In some ways it is lovely to find this place unchanged, in other ways I'm desperate to give it an overhaul; but not tonight, not for now, just writing something feels maverick enough.

The first time actually pressing the publish button in many, many months, but not through neglect. Well, maybe a little bit of neglect, but I haven't forgotten this space. I have missed being here very much, I even have a few half written paragraphs all about trying and failing to post something, anything. Life has been busy, no more than anyone else's, but I have found myself just about making it through the days for such a long time that days became weeks became months, and the longer I was gone the harder it was to pop back. And now I am here and hopefully it will be easier to come back again soon.

The first post in a while on Instagram too, as I have joined in with the first day of the August Break prompts over on Instagram. A version of my first effort is above, but even trying to copy that picture onto here in a format that looked of vaguely decent quality felt a little beyond me tonight, operating on multiple devices as I am. I won't aim to post my attempts here each day but I do hope to join in on instagram this month, so you are welcome to go and view future efforts there if you like!

The first day today where I felt fully recovered from my decidedly middle aged injury last week in which I pulled a muscle in my back while looking at packets of herb seeds in a garden centre (having gone there for Sunday lunch and a spot of plant shopping). I have clearly not become any more rock and roll in my absence. Unfortunately I have immediately today managed to twinge my wrist picking up T and so I remain afflicted with minor aches and pains in a manner that is not quite fitting for a thirty two year old, let alone one who still thinks she is about nineteen.

The first week where I have been properly back at work after a lovely long break. We have been lucky to have numerous holidays since I last wrote, visiting Berlin, Madeira and just recently two weeks around South Wales and Hereford. I shall not delude myself that I am going to share some lovely posts about our adventures, much as I would like to it doesn't feel particularly realistic based on my current form, but we have had some wonderful family trips and it has been great to start exploring places further afield as a family.

The first month in which I will officially be the parent of a two year old. I'm not sure how that happened, and I will hopefully do a post around his birthday, but he remains equal parts cheekiness and loveliness despite growing up far too fast.

The first year in which I might officially be the parent of a two year old and a newborn. If all goes well we have a new arrival due in late December. If T sets an example for his new sibling, it could mean that we are actually into 2019 before it makes its appearance, but hopefully we have incredibly exciting times ahead.

And just like that the first post is done. I will try not to leave it so long next time, it is good to be back.

eighteen months

He turned eighteen months old this week. If anyone has any suggestions as to where exactly that time has gone I'd love to know!

He can walk, run and climb. The latter is a relatively new development, but he is using it constantly, making parenting a test of nerve and reflexes. He hasn't quite mastered jumping and the focus on his face when he sees someone else manage it is beautiful, as he tries to work out what he needs to do to make it happen.

He can eat and drink by himself, probably one his favourite past-times, and has become increasingly adventurous with food in recent weeks. He has a sweet tooth like his mummy, but will happily eat curries, soups and stews, as well as lots of fruit and veg.

He has mastered scribbling with a pen, as well as taking off pen lids, which is another test for those parenting reflexes, and his ability to open cupboards and drawers and reach ever-higher heights means that our "safe" places are becoming increasingly limited.

He has made huge progress with his language in recent weeks, which seems to have exploded out of nowhere. After months of wondering when he'd start to talk beyond lots of babbling, suddenly a whole vocabulary seems to have developed almost overnight. Mummy has finally made an appearance, along with the names of lots of his relatives, his nursery mates, lots of food  (pineapple was the first word I remember him saying clearly and suddenly realising he had definitely and deliberately copied me), as well as please, thank you, hello, goodbye, and get down, which is a particular favourite at the moment and makes shopping trips with him riding in the trolley slightly less relaxing than they used to be!

He is sleeping well, and just in the last few nights has taken to being put down in his cot awake and drifting off himself, when we realised he did this every day at nursery without any issue. He has taken to it with no problem at all, though I am feeling slightly bereft at no longer snuggling him to sleep each evening.

He is so much more than a list of milestones and achievements. It is easy, particularly as a first-time parent, to get caught up in each new skill; they come so quickly in these first years, and it is so exciting to witness each new stage of development. However, it can distract from the fact that a whole person is growing up in front of you. And what a person he is turning out to be.

He has a laugh that fills me with joy, and is incredibly happy. He usually wakes up smiling, chatting and pleased to see you, and loves to make others laugh too, watching you with a cheeky, expectant grin. Hide and seek, peek-a-boo and chase are all favourites.

He adores books, and will quite happily sit chatting to himself as he turns the pages. More often though he brings it to the nearest adult and reaches for cuddles and a story. He knows his favourites off-by-heart, and can join in with them even if we don't have the book, which has been particularly beneficial when stuck in long queues or in need of a distraction. Peepo, Goodnight Room, Each Peach Pear Plum and The Detective Dog are his top requests at the moment.

He loves to dance to music, and loves playing with water - even at mealtimes he gets caught up in pouring water between his cup and his bowl and splashing the resulting puddles everywhere. He has also started to join in with action songs which is lovely to see, though my fitness levels are being tested with repeated bouts of standing up, sitting down and running on the spot. I find Wind the Bobbin Up and Two Little Dickie Birds to be a little less involving!

He is quiet in new places, and when there are lots of people. I took him into my workplace when I was off recently, he didn't say a thing then promptly launched into lots of chatter the moment we left. He likes to take a situation in and get used to it rather than launch straight in. He also loves knowing how things work, pushing buttons, pressing switches, taking things apart and putting them back together. A little girl showed him a picture of teddy on the wall at the library, and gave it a hug and a kiss, which he dutifully copied. A little while later he wandered back over and gave the teddy another kiss, but then also started prodding the drawing pins trying to work out how they were keeping the picture on the wall.

He is becoming increasingly independent and determined, more sure of what he wants and keen to find ways to achieve it. He can be known to throw the occasional tantrum but is usually relatively easily diverted, though he definitely prefers to be on his own feet and exploring these days which can make trips out a test of physical endurance, and any opportunity for adult conversation tends to come in a few short bursts between following him into nooks and crannies and trying to avert disaster.

He is making the most of his new found voice, I doubt I will ever tire of hearing the word mummy and his smile as he says it, and every day at the moment seems to bring new words and new discoveries. He has settled wonderfully into nursery, which makes going to work much easier, and is reported to be a fan of messy play, eating and song time.

He is beautifully affectionate, gives incredible hugs, kisses and cuddles, and really loves his family. He is incredibly close to his grandparents, especially his great-grandad who is definitely his partner in crime, and its is wonderful to see. There is no better feeling than those few occasions when he has spontaneously reached up and given me a kiss without being asked, the love is indescribable. Millie is also the source of much of his energy, whether he is affectionately patting her, chasing her round, or feeding her contraband from his highchair. He seems to love all animals, gleefully pointing out doggies, dirbies (birds) and squirrels from the window, or on our walks, and likes to find, name and impersonate the animals in the pages of his favourite books (he does a particularly formidable Gruffalo growl at the moment).

He is amazingly laid-back. For all he is a bundle of energy, constantly on the go, I am repeatedly astounded by how easily he seems to adapt. Even big changes like stopping breast-feeding, or starting to go to sleep in his cot seem to be met with limited fuss. Starting nursery was a struggle, but that seemed more to do with being poorly, and as soon as he was on the mend, he took it to brilliantly. New routines and experiences don't seem to faze him and he remains constantly curious about the world around him.

He brings us absolute joy, and we feel very lucky to have such a loving, giggly, beautiful son. He is spirited, approaching life with gusto, and a confidence that has already taught me to be braver, more open to other people, more ready to see the good in the world, however simple all small. Life with him can be exhausting, and I am definitely not immune to the headache induced by an over-tired child, it is lovely to see his personality grow and to have the privilege to support him as he starts to navigate his way through life. He couldn't have made parenting any easier or more enjoyable and his cheeky charm makes every day brighter. We are utterly besotted, and can't wait to see what his future brings, and everything he is becoming.

sunday sense check #2

(I know it's actually Monday, but I had a spare 5 minutes to write this today, and I like my alliterative title too much to change it so forgive me the slight artistic licence!)

Seeing

This weekend we watched Concussion with Will Smith, curled up in bed on Saturday night (just re-read that sentence and should clarify Will Smith was in the film, not curled up in bed with us). It was a film I had seen the trailer for a good year or so ago and I really enjoyed it. It was the true story of an immigrant pathologist who identified the disease process that caused long-term health problems in American Football players due to their numerous head injuries, and the difficulties he faced trying to get the findings taken seriously by the profession. It was  involving without being too dark, and I thought it was brilliantly acted. On the subject of dark, The Husband has been watching the latest series of Black Mirror. He tends to filter the episodes for me, as it is often over the edge of what I find entertaining, as thought-provoking as they are. I thought the ones I did watch were as clever as always, and am intrigued to see where it goes next.

Hearing

Still coughing. T is mostly better but still is prone to coughing until he vomits each night so we are getting through a lot of washing. The Husband is still going with it too, especially at night, so not much sleep is being had round here one way or another. I'm feeling much better now though, which is something positive! On a chirpier note, I can't get this song out of my head, and there have been lots of dances around the kitchen with T when it comes on the radio. I'm usually a stickler for lyrics, if you've ever seen the film I Give It A Year, there is a running joke about misheard lyrics that is very true to life. The Husband's inability to ever sing the right words to a song is hilarious or frustrating depending on my mood! I was guilty of it myself with this song though, singing quite enthusiastically about being a "rebel with a kickstand" for rather longer than I care to admit.

Smelling

Candles again, I have a "Relax" candle lit as I type, and it is lovely. It is also helping disguise the pervading smell of the fish we had for dinner. I always wonder why I don't cook more fish and then the aroma clings afterwards and I remember!

Tasting

We went out for breakfast on Sunday to our local garden centre. I had been up since 5 with T, and we had our first breakfast around 6, so when The Husband suggested a trip out at 10 I was more than happy to let someone else cook a proper breakfast. I did do dinner for us and Grandad later on, so I got some time in the kitchen, having reflected on Instagram this week that I miss it when I don't make time to cook in a more relaxed way.

Feeling

I'm feeling a little done with January already. I try very hard not to wish time away, ever conscious of how precious it is, but I am ready for us all to be feeling back to full health and getting a bit more sleep. I've got an exam in a week that I haven't started revising for and I've also got a hospital procedure due at the end of the month which I'm keen to get over and done with just so that I can stop worrying that something might go wrong. It feels like there is a lot to "get through" in the next few weeks, and as though we are just trying to survive the days rather than being the shining examples of ourselves we hope to start the year as. However, it is good to be here, taking a little time to light a candle, snuggle with the dog, and write a few words. The house feels like home, we have a gentle week ahead and I am headed for a reasonably early night after a lovely day spent with T. 

sunday sense check

Seeing

Yesterday The Husband and I went to watch the latest Star Wars film at the cinema while my parents kindly had T for the day. The Husband despairs at how many classic films I have not seen, so over the Christmas break he brought me up to date will all 7 Star Wars films so that I could go with him to see number 8 and fully appreciate it! I really enjoyed it, and it was lovely to have some time just the two of us, even managing to go for breakfast before it started.

Hearing

Coughing, mostly! Mine has gradually settled after a few sleepless nights, but as I write this T is napping and his coughing is punctuating the silence. I'm hoping it won't be long until we have all beaten the bug once and for all, I don't know many people who haven't had it and it seems to be lingering a little.

Smelling

Freshly made coffee, courtesy of The Husband. This week I've also been making more of an effort to use some of the beautiful candles I have in almost every room of the house. I'm terrible at actually getting round to lighting them, but it makes such a difference to the mood.

Tasting

We seem to have eaten a lot of pizza this week, and we are rapidly discovering that what used to serve two of us comfortably is now having to be portioned out for three, as T has decided he takes after his daddy in his love of pizza. After lots of treats over Christmas I am having another period off sugar, just to break some of the habits I had returned to.

Feeling

I've been a little out of sorts these past few days, and it's been hard to put my finger on why. On a very superficial level I got a new phone and I always find the few days of transferring my number and getting re-set up can be a little tricky, especially at the moment while some of my accounts seem to be struggling to migrate across. I think more than that is the self-imposed pressure to start the year off on a positive, which for me means productive, note. I've devised a carefully drawn up plan of how and when I'm going to achieve all the different things I want to each week, be that calligraphy, photography, blogging, running or a host of other things. While I think it's good for me to recognise what things matter to me, and make time for them, I can start the year feeling under pressure to fill every minute. Particularly as we recover from our bugs, and get back into the swing of daily life after the break, I've gradually this week realised that it's just as good for me to have some earlier nights, later starts, and some moments of quiet that don't need to be filled with achievements. On that note I might make the most of what is left of nap time and sit peacefully with my book!

first things first

The first of July.

I'm feeling good about July. June was not a great month, there were plenty of great moments, but overall it was, what I believe is formally known as a bit of a flop. Right at the start of the month we met a friend for breakfast, and the waitress put the teapot down right in front of T, who promptly grabbed it before we could and scalded his hand. I'm only grateful that he only managed to slosh a little out of the spout rather than tip the whole thing over himself, and that autopilot kicked in and I got him to the toilets and under cold water almost as soon as I registered it was happening. He is absolutely fine now, and the blister has disappeared entirely, with no scarring, but much of the month was filled with bandages, dressings, appointments, worry, and a huge cloud of parental guilt. Add in my first visit back to work, which went brilliantly, but was hanging over me until it happened, lots of other niggles, including the most obnoxious cold-caller I have ever spoken to, and it made for a tense month over all.

However, today is a new month, and things are feeling much brighter already. This morning our beginners' running club did their first 5k of non-stop running, and as we rounded the corner to the finish, the rest of the club who had set off on their usual run ahead of us, were stood applauding us home. It was such a lovely, happy moment, and having for so long thought of running as a solo activity, I am thoroughly enjoying seeing it as a social sport.

July is my mum's birthday, and our wedding anniversary, and this will be our first as parents, and her first as a gran. We have a week away with T planned for our anniversary, followed by a night away just the two of us, our first time away from T overnight! 

July is also, officially, my first weeks back at work, as my 12 months of maternity leave comes to an end (how time has flown!). I am very lucky because I accrue my annual leave and bank holiday entitlement, and so I now take that in one block, which means although I will happily start to get paid again, I won't be going back to work physically until September, which I can still pretend is ages away yet.

This week will bring with it a trip out with a new friend, the first time we will have made the jump from chatting at various baby groups to actually socialising just the two of us (and babies too!), and also my first trip to the second of two book groups I have joined at the library. After a visit from a friend from work on Friday, catching up for the first time in months, I'll also be seeing another old work friend for her birthday tomorrow, and so its the first time in a while I've been feeling rather sociable.

So yes, July is feeling good, today there was ice-cream, and the park, and The Husband tidied while I was running so the spare bedrooms suddenly look like bedrooms rather than storage rooms for the first time since T was born. Tonight there has been Dr Who, and now a movie night, with our furry girl snuggled between us.

Wishing you all a very happy July.

home

We are back from a lovely week away with family. A large group of us rented a cottage in Wales, for birthday celebrations. After any trip I always find myself looking forward to travelling home, to returning to my own bed, a kitchen where I know where to find everything, unpacking the suitcase and getting back to normality. This time, though, there was not the same anticipation. While we were away the sense of escapism was heightened by there being limited internet access. Which meant that when I went to bed last Monday night and saw the alert on The Husband's phone about an explosion at a concert in Manchester I couldn't get online to find more information, so I drifted off to sleep assuming, hoping really, that it was a malfunction with the lighting, or pyrotechnics. Waking to the news on Tuesday was devastating, made all the more surreal by the fact that we were shut off from the world, both physically and electronically, tucked away in the Welsh countryside.



We watched the news, watched the vigils, the days had an undercurrent that had not been there before, but with young children to entertain there was not much time to sit and absorb what was happening. And so it was only on our journey home that I felt myself becoming increasingly reflective, as we drew ever closer to a part of the country that was reeling, the reality seemed to intensify, particularly as we were overtaken by a bomb disposal vehicle, sirens blaring, on the motorway. Arriving to the free local paper on the doormat, filled with news of those that were there, those that helped, those that were injured, rather than the usual, more mundane stories of everyday life. Arrests being made in towns that I know, towns that are very near, fear and shock filling social media feeds. There was no normality to return to.



Manchester is my home city. I was born there, forever grateful to a hospital and the team within it that saved two lives during my mum's pregnancy. I lived there when I was first born, and again as a student, moving into halls just moments away from that very same hospital. I graduated in Manchester, twice, and on the second occasion it was also where The Husband proposed. My love of theatre was cultivated there, some of my closest friendships started in those streets, I have memories, such fond memories, round so many corners. I have worked in both the inner city and its suburbs, and it is the place I probably know my way around most confidently, having walked so many of its roads over so many years. Which makes it all the more gut-wrenching to see those familiar streets of home filled with sirens, with screaming, and then with silence, on the continuous footage that filled the screens on Tuesday. I always find coverage of these atrocities unbearable, it isn't worse this time because it is nearer, but it is somehow all the more vivid when the horrendous events take place on streets where your own memories overlap with the images being shown.

My first concert was in that arena, I have been picked up outside that building after countless gigs, emerging into the night with giddiness, on a wave of excitement, making memories with friends, running to a parent waiting exactly where they said they would be, ready to hear about songs and spectacles, and safely deliver us home. I have rushed with The Husband down those very steps, through that same foyer, to catch the last train home, singing favourite choruses with hoarse voices. That station has punctuated my commute, that cathedral a favourite spot, those shops the place I have wandered on lazy Saturdays, or dashed through in a lunch-hour. It isn't that I didn't ever think it would happen here, I think I always worried that it would, indeed it has before. It's more that now it has, again, I don't know how to reconcile the imagery from this week with that which went before.




I don't usually write about these things, I usually to some degree close my eyes to it until the initial overwhelm has passed, mostly I think because I feel helpless, and to try and not let that turn into panic and fear. But somehow, seeing those streets, my streets, I find that I have words I want to say. I love that city, and the horror of the news was tempered with the sense of civic pride in the place and the people that make it what it is. Seeing the crowds, at vigils, at walks, at services, and then yesterday at the run, a run where my best friend, and her sister and brother-in-law, a family that is practically my own, took part, adds more images, so many life-affirming moments filling those same streets, reclaiming them, turning them back into a place where the best kinds of memories are made.

It can feel crass to focus on positives when there are families who have lost loved ones so senselessly, inappropriately optimistic to talk about not giving in to fear or to division when people have been killed. There is grief and shock, and  a sudden, deep rooted unease too. The city may speak of unbreakable spirit but, for some, hearts and homes have been irreparably splintered by what has taken place. In the face of such terror, though, as well as a sense of mass defiance, there was kindness. In the wake of one act of evil, were an immeasurable number of acts borne out of love, out of the best of humanity. It doesn't take away from the significance of what has taken place, or the devastation, yet at the same time it manages to outweigh it. 

I cannot claim that I will remain steadfast, I know I will be more fearful when I next visit the city. Tonight we go to watch a comedy gig at a venue in Manchester, although not in the city centre. Tomorrow my husband leaves for work, taking the train, for the first time since our holiday. I am scared. When my friends were running yesterday I tracked their every step on an app, willing them around that course, making sure I knew exactly where they were, cheering them on, yes, but also because watching the little markers move gave a reassurance that I needed.


This is not an isolated incident, and it is not the only place to suffer in this way. The news is filled daily with such atrocities all over the world. It is no worse because it happened here, and I know that it shouldn't be the case that we are more shocked, more outraged, more moved, when the lives lost are closer to home. Undeniably though, seeing a bomb disposal van on a local motorway, seeing the headlines in a local newspaper, seeing the streets of home cordoned off, and patrolled with armed police, brings it to the forefront, makes it seem more real than pictures on a screen. I see my darling boy sleeping, laughing, exploring life with such gusto, such fearlessness, and would do anything to protect him. I hate the idea of him going out into this world, where things like this can happen. Yet I know the idea of him not seeing the world is worse, because then he would never see the incredible sights or meet the amazing people it has to offer.


And that is what I have to remember, the overwhelming wave of good, the endless kindness of strangers, the quiet determination of people who walked into their city the next morning when trains were not running, the chorus of voices that chose to sing together rather than shout at one another. It has always, to me, been an iconic city, with a mood, a culture, an identity all of its own. The response to the events has been incredible, but also, somehow, completely normal for such a special place, and for the special people who call it home. I love Manchester.

wonderful wednesday #11

Hello, I hope you are having a good week. Thank you for popping by for another round of Wonderful Wednesday-ness.  There are lots of happy little moments to reflect on this week, and yet again, I am frantically typing this during nap time, so I will crack straight on!

Join the Club: After doing the muddy 5k with me recently, my mum's neighbour's daughter, who also happens to be a good friend that I have grown up with over the years, invited me to join a running club with her. It is a beginners' club, doing a couch to 5k programme, and we went along for our first session on Saturday morning, with another one due tonight. It was great to go and be part of a group, and nice to feel like we have gone from friends through our parents, to being friends who socialise together (or exercise together!) of our own accord. It was also good to feel like the starting weeks of the couch to 5k are actually quite comfortable now, and realise that I have progressed from my first forays into running all those years ago.

Watermelon: I bought watermelon fingers for T to try, and as with any food he eats, most of it ends up on the floor. Millie tends to do a good job of hoovering it up after meal times, but if there is ever a new food I always check to make sure it's dog friendly, especially something like watermelon that might have hidden pips in. I googled "dog watermelon" and got rather more than I expected, when the images appeared under the search bar. See here, you won't be disappointed. 

Camera Time: Slowly but surely I am catching back up with the year with my camera project, after falling quite far behind. Once I got over the shame of posting homework that was two months late, I've really enjoyed getting back into playing with pictures, and have been gradually getting a bit more efficient with my editing/uploading process to, which always helps.

30 Second Mess: I am that unfortunate mix of someone who likes tidiness and organisation, but who also finds it easy to make a mess just by walking into a room. Often I would call or msn (remember those days) The Husband when we were both at our different universities, bemoaning the chaos that was my bedroom, and he would always describe it as a 30 second mess. It was always much, much worse than that, but he took the approach of spend 30 seconds and one bit will be tidied up, and then another 30 seconds, and so on. It has always stuck with me, and last night after a busy few days, the house was feeling a bit cluttered and so after T went to sleep we did a dash around the house. He did the hoovering with his headphones on while I sorted the bins and the recycling (I shall resist the urge to make satirical comments about boy and girl jobs), we got the dishes done, the washing sorted, and did a quick tidy round. It was so good to wake up this morning to a cleaner house, and has started today off in a positive way.

Calligraphy: Having splashed out on lots of new stationery with my earnings from my sugar challenge I have been enjoying doodling with my calligraphy pens. I even got a calligraphy book from the library and have been having a play with some of the projects in that, mostly though I'm just relishing the fact that I can spend 10 minutes being creative without having to make a huge mess (see above!) and that I can dip in and out easily without it feeling like a huge endeavour. 

Celebrations: It has been my stepdad's birthday this week, so we have had a few gatherings to celebrate, and we have big family celebrations planned later this week for my auntie's birthday too. It is lovely to spend time with my family, and now we have T, it adds extra joy too. 

So that is all from me this week, but if you would like to read some of the other wonderful posts:

Sally is the originator of the idea, you can search for #wonderfulwednesday and these lovely folks all post too: Jo, Helen, Michelle, Sarah, Kate, Cat, Sam, El , Kerri, Mimmi, Martina, Isabelle. 

wonderful wednesday #10

It's time for another look at some loveliness from the past week, and it's been a great one.

Marvellous Millie: That gorgeous little hound turns 4 years old today. We have celebrated with sunbathing in the garden and a trip to the park for a meet up with my friends, their children, and most crucially their dog who is Millie's playmate of old. They had a happy reunion, and I'm sure there will be treats for tea later too. She's such a wonderful companion, and has coped so well with the turmoil of a baby brother in the house. All she ever wants is company and cuddles (food obviously goes without saying), and I do enjoy the fact that now T has a more predictable bed time, we can have a couple of hours curled up with her just like the good old days.

Sunshine: It has been glorious here, although that has made me realise that I urgently need to purchase some suncream in order to be a responsible parent. The weather makes such a difference though, I've been walking T everywhere, and it feels so good to get out and about.

Cooking: The book I chose for this month's Cookery Calendar Challenge is proving to be a real success, I've already made three recipes from it and am planning a few more before I have to return it to the library! Everything I've made has turned out really well, and it has felt really good to be in the kitchen and making some more unusual dishes.

Getting Muddy: I took part in a Race for Life Pretty Muddy event over the weekend. I signed up on a whim, and then completely forgot about it. I was chatting with my mum's neighbour about starting going running with her daughter, we have grown up together over the years, and our two families are incredibly close. I suddenly realised the race was this weekend, got in touch to see if she fancied joining me, and three days later we found ourselves scrambling through cargo nets, bouncing on space hoppers, sliding down inflatables, and crawling through mud, mud and more mud, in the glorious sunshine. It was brilliant fun, all the better for having company, and felt like a real achievement. My family all came along to cheer us round (and take some brilliant pictures), and we are already thinking about doing a 10k one in June. My legs have been aching, and I've bruises everywhere, but I still get a huge grin whenever I think about it.

Impromptu Visits: The Husband's best friend from uni got in touch out of the blue to see if we were around. He lives a long distance away but happened to be in the area this weekend, so once I had managed to de-mud myself, we went for Sunday dinner followed by milkshakes, then had good chats over coffee at home. It was lovely to see him, really good for him to spend time with T, and it was also one of those occasions where we realised how happy we are where we live. It was so nice to be able to walk two minutes and have lots of options for things to do, yet also to be able to retreat back to home after and sit in the peaceful sunshine. A lovely weekend all round.

I think that's plenty of wonderfulness for this Wednesday, I feel like I could go on and on, I haven't mentioned photography, or stationery, or free gifts from fabulous companies, but instead, go and read some of the other wonderful posts:

Sally is the originator of the idea, you can search for #wonderfulwednesday and these lovely folks all post too: Jo, Helen, Michelle, Sarah, Kate, Cat, Sam, El , Kerri, Mimmi, Martina, Isabelle. 

wonderful wednesday #9

I hope May is treating you well so far, it's time for another round up of some of the loveliness that's been going on round here:

The Breakfast Club: I met up with some close friends for breakfast in Manchester and it was lovely to see them and put the world to rights. As with last week, I'm finding that the early starts that come with parenthood are finally suiting me, and I was home just after 12 feeling like I still had most of the day left, while already having spent a good few hours in good company.

Impending Middle Age: My friends and I were reflecting on how life has changed since we were at university together, over 12 years ago. One friend was off to look at bathrooms that afternoon, while I was relishing in having no weekend plans. I did then manage to outdo her in the grown-up Saturday afternoon activity stakes by visiting a garden centre, and as I told them, taking an active interest in a rack of fleeces and waterproof jackets. There then ensued a conversation about the necessity of a good fleece and the joys of potential national trust membership. At least I am in good company!

Gardening: Just to further fit the stereotype, we returned from the garden centre and spent a happy hour in the garden. The Husband did some weeding, and I planted up our hanging baskets with plug plants we had ordered online. I also added some basil to my much-adored new herb pot, but this is my second attempt at planting a basil plant in amongst all of the other herbs, and it is looking like it may have failed again. 

Running: After a month's absence I have finally been back out on a few runs. The longer it goes the less inclined I am to start again, convinced that I will have lost any progress made, but actually, my pace has remained quite consistent with where I was at previously, and it has been rather enjoyable to get out for a quick burst of activity in the sunshine.

Library Love: I have always had a thing about libraries, my mum used to take me regularly when I was younger, at at University, I always felt most studious if I took myself over the library and holed up there. I love libraries, the peace, the sense of endless books to be read, and in the case of the university libraries I have visited the history within the walls. Having dropped out of using the library since starting work, yet reading more than ever in recent years, I have now rediscovered my love for them through T. I started by taking him to a session of songs and a story, which is twice a week at our local library. It is a brilliant activity, free, half an hour, and is one of the things we have done most consistently since he has been born. It was first attempt at any kind of baby group, and helped me build my confidence as a new parent venturing into the terrifying world of interacting with other parents! Since then, I have started to realise what a wealth of things I have been missing out on, and last weekend came home with a new recipe book and a DVD on loan. My favourite thing, though, is that it is the same library my mum used to take me to, and although it has changed in many ways, the layout, and the bright, welcoming children's room where we got to the class is the same one I used to spend hours in as a little girl. I love the fact that history is repeating in the nicest way.

f you would like to visit some of the others (highly recommended) then Sally is the originator of the idea, you can search for #wonderfulwednesday and these lovely folks all post too: Jo, Helen, Michelle, Sarah, Kate, Cat, Sam, El , Kerri, Mimmi, Martina, Isabelle. 

wonderful wednesday #8

Back once again for another Wonderful Wednesday (I started writing that and I got intense flashbacks to this, which has simultaneously embedded itself in my head and made me feel very old indeed). Despite not being able to shake off another bout of the lurgy for nearly 2 weeks now (babies are germ factories it seems) there is plenty of wonderfulness to celebrate.

Baby Bliss: The picture above sums up the past week with my lovely little boy (with double chin artfully cropped out admittedly). He has been a delight this week, endless smiles and giggles, a particular fan, it transpires, of the chorus of Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs (mostly the aahaahaahaahaaaah bit), still loves balls being thrown and caught with accompanying sound effects, and being swung around and tickled under his chin. He has now taken to eating with gusto, and I am much relieved, and spending increasing amounts of time trying to satiate his ever increasing appetite. We had quite a few weeks where everything was being spat out, and it brings me so much joy to see him enjoying (and swallowing!) food. Sleep has improved a little, or a least 4am starts are now 5am starts since the clocks have gone forward which feels much more humane somehow. This week has been all about the wonderful parts of parenting and I am feeling very lucky, and very in love!

Monday with Millie: On Monday night I took Millie to an obedience class. It is not that she has become particularly disobedient, if anything she is much better at ignoring other dogs when we are out walking, but I had a scary moment a few weeks ago where the lock on her extendable lead somehow failed as she pulled and she shot out into the road. She was absolutely fine but it shook me up, especially as just moments later two cars came whizzing past, and I had one of those what if moments for the rest of the night. Also, I wanted to start trying to make sure she had a bit of one on one time, as she has been so accepting of the massive change to home life in the form of T, and I thought it would be nice for her to get a bit of fussing and undivided attention. So it was, on a beautifully sunny evening, Millie and I were to be found in a field, with her getting lots of treats, praise and cuddles, plenty of fresh air, and I came home feeling very glad indeed for a bit of quality time with my lovely girl.

Family: It has been a real family effort while I've been ill, I actually took a sick day from parenting just over a week ago, and my parents took T for the day, so I could sleep and try to recover a little. I know not many people have that option, and I felt so very lucky to have them so close, so that I could still get a middle of the day cuddle with him, but at the same time give myself a fighting chance of feeling better. Although I'm still feeling grotty, that day was so very much appreciated, and it was good to think he was having a day of being spoilt and doted on by his grandparents rather than coughed at by a bleary eyed mum!

Gardening: For Mother's Day, The Husband bought me a bundle of things for our veg planter, and suggested that we start a tradition of planting some seeds each year on Mother's Day. Initially slightly sceptical at the idea of hard labour on a day I had more traditionally associated with pampering and relaxation, we had lunch at a local garden centre with my family, bought some additional herb pots, pansies and strawberry plants, and then spent a happy two hours in the sunshine sewing seeds, planting herbs, and listening to music while T played in his chair and Millie lay on the lawn. Followed up by a fancy meal at home and some time spent doing my nails, and he had planned a pretty perfect day. I love that every time I come in the front door, or look out the kitchen window I can see the pots we planted up, and hopefully the products of our labours will be a happy reminder of those few hours for the rest of the year. He's cleverer than I give him credit for sometimes!

If you would like to visit some of the others (highly recommended) then Sally is the originator of the idea, you can search for #wonderfulwednesday and these lovely folks all post too: Jo, Helen, Michelle, Sarah, Kate, Cat, Sam, El , Kerri, Mimmi, Martina, Isabelle. 

wonderful wednesday #7

Just a quick one, as I have spent rather longer than intended on this month's first things first post, and I'll regret it if I don't get to sleep very soon!! There has been so much wonderful happening in February that I haven't actually done one of these posts for a few weeks. For a longer round up of some of the big things that have been going on, see here, but for today, some small bits of wonderful....

Afternoon Tea: We bought my Grandad an afternoon tea and chocolate making demonstration at a lovely bakery nearby. I happily accompanied him today, and it was a wonderful few hours. The talk and demonstration was really interesting, and the afternoon tea was delicious. T had a wonderful time with his grandparents too, and so a happy afternoon was had by all, except perhaps for The Husband, who was at work.

New Bedding: After the middle of the night bedding changes last week, I splashed out on a spare, spare, set of bedding, as it seems at the moment that two sets is simply not enough! It has been so lovely to clamber into not just freshly washed sheets, but fresh out of the packet sheets.

5 miles: Having not kept on track with my 28 miles in 28 days, I suddenly had 8 miles to run in 2 days before February finished. The upshot was that on Tuesday evening I headed out in torrential rain to do five wet, cold miles, and managed to keep a reasonable pace, and actually smiled most of the way round. I quite enjoyed running in the rain, and it was one of those runs where the music seemed to be exactly right, with each track spurring me on to keep going for just one more song, to the point that I did a lot less walking and a lot more running than I first anticipated.

Surprise visits: I was messaging my close friend in the midst of a tough week, and when she didn't reply to a message I was wondering if I'd overdone the offloading, only for her to appear at the door in the middle of a busy day just to say hi, give me a hug, and chat in person for ten minutes. It was such a lovely surprise, not even long enough for a cuppa, but made me feel very lucky to have such an amazing friend, and much better about my week.

Pancakes: Of course. Specifically, my grandad's pancakes, which we enjoyed yesterday afternoon, are, in my opinion, unbeatable, and I'm convinced fuelled me to do that run. Followed closely by The Husband's savoury pancake, which was waiting for me when I got back from the run. Along with a few more sweet ones for dessert for good measure!

If you would like to visit some of the others (highly recommended) then Sally is the originator of the idea, you can search for #wonderfulwednesday and these lovely folks all post too: Jo, Helen, Michelle, Sarah, Kate, Cat, Sam, El , Kerri, Mimmi, Martina, Isabelle. 

first things first

The first of March.

The first six months of parenthood to our incredible little boy. So at six months old, I wanted to take a minute to celebrate him exactly as he is at the moment, before any more firsts happen and another six months fly by.

He has the most incredible giggle, a real full-on chortle that lights up a room. His favourite thing in the world is Millie, and he quite often bursts out laughing just at the sight of her. He has started to recognise his family, and generally greets those he knows with a toothy grin. His bottom teeth have been through for a while, and we have the first top one emerging at the moment, so there has been plenty of drool, and some funny faces as he gets used to the new addition!

We are just venturing into the world of food, so he doesn't really have any favourites, except to say that if I have spent time peeling, cooking, blending and spooning something he is far less inclined to eat it than when my parents offer him a chew on some pear. When he does humour me, he wants to hold the spoon himself, and occasionally manages to get it somewhere near his mouth.

He got a walker from my parents for Christmas, and he is often to be found moving disconcertingly quickly around the kitchen in his wheels. He likes to make a beeline for anything dangerous, such as a hot oven, drawers open at head height, those kind of things. He also follows the dog around, to try and open drawers, and more recently has taken to sidling up to me and grabbing my cardigan to chew on.

He can sit up now, but mostly prefers to be on his front, and has mastered the art of shuffling backwards, which means he often reverses under the sofa until his bottom prevents him from going any further. He will sleep for ages as long as he is curled up against someone's chest, but when he is awake he has to be on the go, and will get grouchy unless you are moving him around and walking about the place. Nappy changes are becoming an increasingly complex operation, as he doesn't want to lie on his back at all any more, and has taken to strewing the contents of his changing table about. Being showered with cotton wool balls while trying to fasten a nappy around a back to front baby feels like some kind of weird game show and all the things that were conveniently placed nearby are now having to be moved further and further out of reach.

He has absolutely no routine whatsoever, with the exception of having a bath and a book around the same time each evening. Sleep, both at night and during the day, is still largely unpredictable, and he can't bring himself to go to sleep if there is something more interesting going on. No matter how sleepy he is, he will keep himself awake if he gets the impression he might be missing out. He has been droopy-eyed as we have arrived at the library, but the minute the singing session starts he is wide awake and bouncing around again. Christmas Day and my birthday meal both found him awake long past his usual times because he could tell there was fun to be had! He does seem to have moved into his own room without much fuss at all, but I haven't quite brought myself to put away the travel cot from our bedroom yet!

He has just started to join in a bit more when we go out, and has started squealing along to the songs at the library, and also splashing me with alarming gusto in the swimming pool. It is lovely to be at the point where he is starting to interact, as usually when something is new he quietly takes it all in, which meant the first few swimming trips felt a lot like I was moving him around in the water while he looked at me somewhat nonplussed. Now I have no idea what he looks like because he keeps drenching me with water and laughing!

He has a few songs that he definitely likes, mainly the ones that involve lifting him up and down very energetically, and I am anticipating that I will soon have biceps of steel. He found me swinging a sock about disproportionately hilarious yesterday, and after a morning where he had been particularly unsettled, this raucous laughter suddenly broke through at the simple act of sliding a sock around the bed and absolutely made my day. We have lots of songs, a song for getting him dressed (the hokey-cokey), a song for putting socks on (an adapted version of once I caught a fish alive) which we sing a lot, and the theme tune to the crystal maze is a sure fire way to a smile. He likes train noises, which I have just discovered works particularly well for teeth brushing, a very exaggerated version of the ABC song, and my night time concerts tend to include Elbow, Travis, and more recently the full length version of American Pie which I now know word perfectly.

Life as a parent is so all-encompassing. It feels like we talk of little else, and the smallest things take on such huge significance. He has grown so very much, and there is something miraculous about seeing this little person that you have made gradually discover the world before your very eyes. He loves playing with his feet, and studying his hands, all normal, typical baby things, but seeing the gradual transitions up close really bring it home how fascinating human development is.

 I don't find motherhood easy at times, the introvert in me is having to get used to the fact that quiet alone time is a thing of the past unless I very deliberately seek it out, but I do find being his mum the most natural thing in the world. I love the way his head rests on my shoulder, how he wraps his arms around my neck, and that he has started placing his hands on top of mine when I'm doing the actions to songs. As much as the middle of the night waking is tough, I find something so peaceful sitting in the dark stillness as he drifts back off in my arms, and often sit up longer than I need to relishing the quiet bubble and the cuddles as he clings to me in his sleep. I love seeing my close family in new ways, he brings so much joy to those around me, and it is so special to see. Watching The Husband be such an amazing dad is incredible, even if T did utter something that sounded suspiciously like DaDa the other day, which I am trying not to be too perturbed by! Motherhood hasn't made me any better at small talk, or any better at walking into a group of people and making instant friends, but it has made me more confident, more independent, more proactive, and has given me a sense of strength. I would do anything in the world for him, and love him so fiercely it surprises me. 

I think he is going to be mischievous, and a bundle of energy. I expect to need eyes in the back of my head, and lightning reflexes. I already feel that I am wearing new glasses that highlight potential danger everywhere I look, and home seems to suddenly be awash with sharp corners and protruding edges. If his current personality is anything to go by though, he seems to be a very happy, content little boy, loving, giggly, and so very excited by the world, long may it last.