first things first

The first day of the first month of the first year of a new decade. Happy New Year!

The first moments of 2020 were spent at home with The Husband, toasting to the year that has passed, and the one that is to come, watching fireworks through the window, speaking to family and quietly wishing our two sleeping boys a Happy New Year. The next few hours were then spent ricocheting between their two bedrooms, providing cuddles, water, toilet trips, medicine and nose wipes! After they both had vaccinations in the morning, I had anticipated a restless night, and it wasn't too awful, although napping in the nursery chair and then curling up in a toddler bed made the clean bedding in our room all the more appealing when I finally made it there to sleep.

2019 was the first year as parents to two, and as I wandered to and fro across the landing in the small hours of the morning, it felt like a fitting tribute to the year just gone. It has been hard, a constant sense of being divided, worrying that neither is getting the best of me, often feeling like we are just about surviving the days, lurching from one miniature drama to another. I reflected as I sat rocking J, while he drifted off to sleep absentmindedly pinching me, and I snuggled up with T, contorted around him between the bed guard and the Gruffalo, drawn from one cry to another and increasingly desperate for sleep. Despite the tiredness, the discomfort, the sense again of just trying to hold things together as best as possible, it was still a privilege, however weary we felt this morning, to start this year being their comfort, soothing them, revelling in their beautiful sleepy faces and the incredible peace of their cuddles.

Today was the first family meal of the year, with my parents and Grandad. Good food, relaxed company, pulling crackers, telling jokes (or one joke over and over and over and over in the case of T!), sticker books and toys. It has been lovely, restful, calm. Just for a brief moment I closed my eyes and remembered this time last year, overwhelmed with a brand new baby and a toddler, wondering how life would ever feel manageable again. I realised that it is better than manageable, that despite an intense year, both for us and the wider family, life is good, the boys are a joy, we are not without challenges, hard days, tough moments, but we are happy, and oh so very lucky.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy year ahead, thank you, as always, for stopping by.

first things first

The first of April.

The first day of a new week, a new month, and it feels like a new season as we start to adjust to the clocks going forward too!

The first time here as a mum of two boys, as our second son was born in December. There feels like too much to write to know where to start, so all I will say for now is that he is wonderful, happy and healthy, I found the pregnancy tough but the delivery went really well, and T has taken to being a big brother brilliantly. We are very lucky, if also a little exhausted.

The first trip to the library today in a few weeks, only to find that one of our favourite librarians is leaving. We first met him when I was on maternity leave with T, and the library became one of the first places I visited regularly, a haven to a new mum, and brimming with nostalgia as I attended story and song sessions in the same room that I had loved to visit with my own mum many years ago. T knows him by name and talks about him every time we pass the library, he encouraged me to attend the book group, where I made my first real "mum friends", and he will be sorely missed.

It has taken me far longer than it would seem to write the above, interspersed as it has been with multiple episodes of settling the baby back to sleep! I am going to leave it there, with a hope to be back again soon.

Great British Bake Along: Gâteau Vert

After an initial week that was falsely reassuring suddenly we were back in classic technical challenge territory. A recipe for a dish that no-one has ever heard of? Check. At least one obscure and difficult to source ingredient? Check (pistachio essence I'm looking at you). A messy, multistage recipe that takes hours and assumes ownership of at least three stand mixers (or a washing up minion)? Check. Costs more to make than would ever be reasonable to spend on a cake and makes you realise what a ridiculous budget the programme must have, not least for pistachio nuts alone? Check. A weird flavour combination that makes you doubt if you will even want to eat the end result? Spinach icing, you say? Check.

And so it was, I found myself preparing to make a Gâteau Vert. Apparently it was Claude Monet's favourite birthday cake, though that didn't make me any more enthused. My mum spoke to me on Wednesday, and summed up the general mood when she asked "you're not going to make that cake with the spinach are you?". I urgently acquired pistachio essence (huge kudos here to a website I have never used before called StefChef who shipped it quickly, were competitively priced and had lovely customer service, I recommend them completely for any sudden pistachio essence needs you may have). I armed myself with pistachios, edible flowers, a huge amount of spinach, a bottle of kirsch and a receipt for nearly £30 which The Husband has not been privy to.

Oh this cake, can you tell I wasn't a fan? Everything I owned was green, there was a persistent odour of pistachio and spinach, it took forever and the worst bit of all, I'm not really sure I even liked it. The Husband rejected it outright at the mere mention of spinach, my parents valiantly tried it and said what a lovely flavour it had, and T devoured it but he is not exactly a discerning audience when it comes to cake. I didn't mind it, the flavour was pleasant enough, and there wasn't actually any taste of spinach at all. While that felt like a success of sorts, it also begged the question of why I had bothered to use it at all. I know the point of it was to colour the whole cake naturally, but it did feel slightly excessive to wilt and blitz and puree and squeeze spinach, particularly as since Monet's time we have developed the technology to allow purchase of a wonderful range of purpose-made food colourings.

It wasn't overly difficult, it was just long-winded, and I found myself getting thoroughly disheartened when I kept realising I had to grind yet more pistachios, or start adding spinach water to yet another bowl. There was another episode, much like with the Wagon Wheels, of making syrup while whisking an egg and then rapidly adding one mixture to the other, but that was about as complicated as it got. The marzipan was the nicest part, and overall it looked quite appealing but I fear my genoise was where the fault lay. It seems that I have not learnt from the Mokatines of 2015, and although it appeared entirely successful from the outside, as I sliced through the genoise, much of the middle was quite dense, and again I could see the occasional pocket of flour. I think I remain too tentative when combining the mixture, and I guess the stodgy central layer of genoise is what dried out the gateau and made it less palatable than it might otherwise have been.

The overall effect is quite pleasing visually, assuming you like the colour green on a cake, and I have learnt that edible flowers can make most things look appealing. I also managed to disguise the fact that despite buying a ridiculous amount of pistachio nuts I still managed to miscalculate and somehow ended up with barely any at the end with which to decorate the edge. However, I think it says it all when I admit that, even in a house with a cake-loving toddler and a permanently hungry pregnant woman, after a few days languishing on the counter, some of the leftovers ended up in the bin. And in a move that would make Monet despair, T and I spent an happy afternoon last week making packet mix fairy cakes and sticking edible Peppa Pig decorations on the top, a process which was both more enjoyable and more successful (and didn't result in any leftovers!). If, after all of that you are still keen to try, the recipe is here, and meanwhile I will aim to be more positive for bread week! 

Great British Bake Along: Wagon Wheels

So it is that time again when I, many might say foolishly, attempt to join in with Great British Bake Off and try my hand at the technical challenges from the series. Will I last beyond the first week? Will I ever find a love for baking bread? Will I manage to source the increasingly bizarre ingredients as the challenges progress? All will be revealed in the months ahead, but for now, wagon wheels.

Saturday morning came around, after a week of long shifts, a poorly child, and a general air of chaos and disorder hanging over the house, I obviously decided the best way to spend T's naptime would be making biscuits, jam, marshmallow and attempting to construct wagon wheels. Not my best idea in retrospect, or the atmosphere most conducive to some relaxed baking, but it wasn't a complete disaster.

It was a less than promising start. The Husband commented that he didn't really like wagon wheels, and I was inclined to agree with him. I also forgot lesson number of one Bake Off challenges, which is to be vaguely prepared, have a relatively tidy kitchen and to read the recipe. I didn't realise when I used the egg yolk that I would use the white later in the recipe so wasted it needlessly. I also had a distinct lack of clear work surfaces which made the whole process trickier.

However, the recipe was actually quite manageable. The biscuits were simple and tasted really good, and I was reminded of the simple joy of making jam too. The marshmallow was the most tense aspect, involving whisking egg white while also boiling sugar and adding gelatine. Having used a stand mixer to help I found that the whisks didn't reach deeply enough into the bowl to actually whisk the single egg white so I ended up dashing between the mixer and the pan trying to keep an eye on both. Despite the multi-tasking required the marshmallow, somewhat to my surprise, actually came together well.

With all the components made, next came the assembly, and this is where things went somewhat downhill. Firstly, a coughing fit meant that T needed a snuggle to settle him down back to sleep. Whilst the cuddle was a welcome break I returned back to the kitchen to find the marshmallow had morphed from a soft, glossy, swirl to a springy, solid mass. I then needed to enlist The Husband's help to locate my piping nozzles, which were apparently stored in the exact place that I swore adamantly I had looked at least three times already.

My slightly, ahem, informal approach to cutting the biscuits now became problematic, as they were not consistently round, which made pairing them up to be sandwiched together somewhat akin to a game of Tetris to find the ones that were most closely matched. Then the firmness of the marshmallow made it tricky to pipe, and it was so well set that as I tried to sandwich the biscuits together a few biscuits snapped as the marshmallow put up rather an excessive amount of resistance.

By this stage T was awake, well over two hours had passed, and my focus was on getting finished and trying to rescue the kitchen rather than delicately coating my biscuits. As you can tell from the pictures this part was particularly slapdash, and for some reason the chocolate marbled as it set. But, it did set, and they did look vaguely recognisable, so all in all I'm counting it as a success.

So what was the verdict for technical challenge number one? Well, the recipe was surprisingly easy to follow, with great results for all of the components. They were really tasty, although the dark chocolate made them very rich, and The Husband was not a fan as a result. T, however, adored them, and they got rave reviews from everyone else who tried one. We have now, also, taken to calling them wheelie wagons, after we repeated the phrase from the programme, T has adopted it as his own, and it was far too lovable to even think of correcting him. I did keep thinking how easy it would be to go and buy a packet if I really wanted the option of eating a wagon wheel, but actually the end result seemed to reflect the effort that had gone into it, and it felt like a special treat. I won't be writing out the recipes this time around but if you ever have a hankering to rustle up a homemade wagon wheel, you won't go far wrong giving this recipe a try.

first things first

The first of September.

The first week of Bake Off - did you watch it? I spent some of today valiantly attempting the Wagon Wheel technical challenge (post to follow), and reminded myself of the many reasons why it is better, in this instance, to watch than take part. They were not a complete disaster though, and I even managed to restore the kitchen to a relatively acceptable state, which I think The Husband felt was a particularly noteworthy first.

The first night in recent days where I actually had to sing to T at bedtime. After a few days of illness, including the gut-wrenching call from nursery to say he was not himself and had a temperature, and a trip to the doctor yesterday when he suddenly went downhill, he happily seems to be improving today. The last few evenings he has been asleep almost immediately after his bath, and as he requested one song after another tonight and then lay chatting to himself in the dark, it was nice to feel like he was getting back to his usual self.

The first quiet weekend in a while. We were actually due to be at a friend's daughter's birthday party tomorrow, but thought we should probably not turn up with a poorly, germ-ridden toddler. And so it is, after busy birthday celebrations, and then an intense stretch of shifts at work, including the Bank Holiday weekend, it is nice to have some slower-paced days ahead.

September also brings with it the first days of my third trimester. Time appears to be flying by at an alarming rate, and so I find myself without that usual nostalgic new beginnings feeling (usually accompanied by new stationery) that I usually associate with this time of year. Instead I feel more on a slow countdown to December, enjoying life as we are, and anticipating instead the new beginnings that for now, are just around the corner.

We had a visit from a plasterer this week too, the first forays in to moving T to a "big boy" bedroom. While the co-ordinating of the different jobs, and the clearing out of the room do not fill me with immediate joy, especially as the latter has developed into a clear out of two or three other rooms as well, I am very excited for him to have his first proper childhood room. I can't wait to get on with picking colours, and fabrics, finding homes for his favourite things and creating a space for the lovely little boy he has grown into.

And so September is here, bringing with it the first days of Autumn, the promise of cooler days, cosy evenings, and my favourite part of the year.

two years

Somehow, in what feels like an instant, we are talking in years, rather than months, and I have a little

boy, not a baby. And what a little boy he is! He is such a character now, in the most delightful way, and loves to make others laugh. He can be a great mimic, and loves doing different voices. It is lovely to hear him, entirely lacking in any sense of  being self-conscious, singing at the top of his voice, purely for his own amusement. The rainbow song and 1,2,3,4,5 are some highlights of his repertoire, but my favourite is still hearing him call Humpty Dumpty "Hoppy Doppy", one of those childhood variations we have now all adopted.

However, despite his brilliant sense of humour, and his easy, beautifully affectionate nature with those he is close to, he also remains studiously inquisitive. We have taken him to a few children's theatre productions, and he watches intensely, taking in every detail, which he then animatedly recounts later. Given a new toy or in a new place he still likes to get to grips with how everything works, and with new books he listens intently and then likes to go back through pointing everything out. Books are a real shared love of us all, we go to the library each week, and I adore cuddling up with him reading stories, increasingly amazed by how many books he can recite off by heart. Favourites at the moment are the "What the Ladybird Heard" series, an "Alfie" book by Shirley Hughes which gave me all sorts of childhood nostalgia when he got it, and anything by Rachel Bright.

Given the chance he would be engrossed in a screen, and while it is nice to see him enjoying favourite programmes like In The Night Garden and Hey Duggee, I find it fascinating and worrying in equal measure how completely absorbed he becomes when they come on! Whilst I don't doubt the screen will be a useful diversion at times, particularly when the second baby comes along, I try to make sure it isn't how we spend the majority of our time, and also try to talk about things when we watch them. For his birthday, though, he got some toys with his favourite characters on, like a Peppa Pig tea set, and trains and books from In The Night Garden, and it has been lovely to watch him play with those. Diggers, blocks and tools are also popular, and he got out his own hammer and screwdriver to help his daddy put together some of his birthday toys! We also really noticed on holiday how much he loves exploring new places, be it a national trust garden, the seaside, or a playground, so we are trying to make it a more regular weekend activity to go out on "adventures" even if it just for a trip to a new park.

Our days have lots of little routines, which I love sharing with him. From a bath and a book before bedtime, saying goodbye to Millie when we leave, to going shopping, for breakfast and then swimming on our Wednesdays off together, I take joy in the tiny traditions we are creating. He chatters away, and I adore how we have got to the point of having proper conversations, and how well he communicates. We have, in recent months, entered the realms of pretend play, and his birthday gifts included a playhouse and kitchen, resulting in endless tea parties in the last few days. 

I won't pretend he is perfect, he can be cheeky, and gets giddy when he is tired. He has also developed an incredible skill for selective hearing, especially when tidying up or stopping doing something is involved. Tantrums are not unheard of, but currently aren't too frequent, and he can more often than not be quite quickly distracted. Bedtime and mealtimes can be a source of immense frustration, but not consistently so, and the vast majority of the time he makes parenting feel very easy. We haven't had too much experience of the irrational, illogical part of toddler personality yet (except one notable occasion when he cried because he wanted a yoghurt, while eating his yoghurt), though I am sure there is plenty to come.

He continues to be incredibly adaptable, having moved up to a new room at nursery this month with seemingly minimal fuss. It was incredible to watch through the door as he quickly joined straight in with new people in a new environment, and to hear how well he has settled in. On most days he eats really well, loves all sorts of fruit and quite a variety of vegetables, though at nursery he can be a bit hit and miss. He loves a "cappuccino" made of frothy milk, and is gradually trying more meat, though his favourite is definitely sausage. He absolutely has a sweet tooth, though for him the best part of his birthday cake has been blowing out the candles! He likes to help in the kitchen and will stir, pour, and join in as much as possible given the chance. He also loves to play in the sink, and can amuse himself for ages given a basin of water and lots of containers to splash about with.

My favourite picture from his birthday is the one above, because to me it represents so well what he has brought to our lives. He went around the whole of the zoo like this, arms flung wide as he dashed from one place to the next, the epitome of joy and excitement. It is such a daily revelation to see life through the eyes of a child, especially one who is so happy, and so open to the amazement of the world around him. He reminds me so frequently to giggle at the silliest things, to find awe and wonder in the simplest moments, to always be overjoyed to see those that you love and to not take anything too seriously, or for granted. I can't believe he has been part of our worlds for two years already, and I am so incredibly grateful for every single day we have had, and all that is to come.

sunday sense check

Seeing

The Husband got an email advertising free tickets to a local CBBC event this weekend, so we spent a lovely few hours there today. We had fun enjoying the sunshine, and the general festival atmosphere, and T was excited to recognise one or two characters from television. He loved running through the walled garden and seeing the animals in the farm too. It was great to have time as a family experiencing new things, something which we realised on holiday we wanted to try and do more of at weekends. We may have enjoyed some family nap time when we got home though!

Hearing

The incredible sound of our baby's heartbeat. We went this week for the 20 week scan, and all seemed well other than a baby rather like its mum who clearly felt that 8.30 in the morning was not a polite time to be bothered and so refused to cooperate with all of the efforts (mostly mine - examination couch yoga anyone?) to coax it into a more favourable position. Everything looked fine but we have to pop back in the next few weeks to try and finish off, and hopefully a late afternoon appointment will mean it is more amenable to a bit of activity. From there we popped to the antenatal unit at the hospital for some paperwork and caused a bit of panic when they realised I had been discharged from consultant care and that my community midwife appointment hadn't happened yet. It is all fine and sorted but the midwife there did a review and we got to hear the heart beating away which was a great end to the morning's appointments.

Smelling

Nothing that I can particularly remember, although the farmyard animals in the warm sunshine had a particularly pungent aroma today, as I'm sure you might imagine.

Tasting

Some hearty home cooking has been on the menu this weekend, toad in the hole last night and shepherd's pie this evening, after a few hours in the kitchen yesterday during nap time. It had been cooler earlier in the week when I did the shopping, and I can't claim that the idea of either meal particularly appealed in the hot weather but they turned out well and it was good to spend some time pottering in the kitchen with the radio on.

Feeling

A little overwhelmed that the weekend is over already. It has been a good balance, with a productive day yesterday and then a trip out doing something a little different today. It does seem to have gone really quickly though, and being out and about both days has meant that home feels a little unloved and I don't feel quite as prepared for the week ahead as I might like. However, there is always tomorrow for getting sorted, and right now I definitely feel ready for bed! 

first things first

The first of August.

The first time I've been here in quite a while. In some ways it is lovely to find this place unchanged, in other ways I'm desperate to give it an overhaul; but not tonight, not for now, just writing something feels maverick enough.

The first time actually pressing the publish button in many, many months, but not through neglect. Well, maybe a little bit of neglect, but I haven't forgotten this space. I have missed being here very much, I even have a few half written paragraphs all about trying and failing to post something, anything. Life has been busy, no more than anyone else's, but I have found myself just about making it through the days for such a long time that days became weeks became months, and the longer I was gone the harder it was to pop back. And now I am here and hopefully it will be easier to come back again soon.

The first post in a while on Instagram too, as I have joined in with the first day of the August Break prompts over on Instagram. A version of my first effort is above, but even trying to copy that picture onto here in a format that looked of vaguely decent quality felt a little beyond me tonight, operating on multiple devices as I am. I won't aim to post my attempts here each day but I do hope to join in on instagram this month, so you are welcome to go and view future efforts there if you like!

The first day today where I felt fully recovered from my decidedly middle aged injury last week in which I pulled a muscle in my back while looking at packets of herb seeds in a garden centre (having gone there for Sunday lunch and a spot of plant shopping). I have clearly not become any more rock and roll in my absence. Unfortunately I have immediately today managed to twinge my wrist picking up T and so I remain afflicted with minor aches and pains in a manner that is not quite fitting for a thirty two year old, let alone one who still thinks she is about nineteen.

The first week where I have been properly back at work after a lovely long break. We have been lucky to have numerous holidays since I last wrote, visiting Berlin, Madeira and just recently two weeks around South Wales and Hereford. I shall not delude myself that I am going to share some lovely posts about our adventures, much as I would like to it doesn't feel particularly realistic based on my current form, but we have had some wonderful family trips and it has been great to start exploring places further afield as a family.

The first month in which I will officially be the parent of a two year old. I'm not sure how that happened, and I will hopefully do a post around his birthday, but he remains equal parts cheekiness and loveliness despite growing up far too fast.

The first year in which I might officially be the parent of a two year old and a newborn. If all goes well we have a new arrival due in late December. If T sets an example for his new sibling, it could mean that we are actually into 2019 before it makes its appearance, but hopefully we have incredibly exciting times ahead.

And just like that the first post is done. I will try not to leave it so long next time, it is good to be back.

eighteen months

He turned eighteen months old this week. If anyone has any suggestions as to where exactly that time has gone I'd love to know!

He can walk, run and climb. The latter is a relatively new development, but he is using it constantly, making parenting a test of nerve and reflexes. He hasn't quite mastered jumping and the focus on his face when he sees someone else manage it is beautiful, as he tries to work out what he needs to do to make it happen.

He can eat and drink by himself, probably one his favourite past-times, and has become increasingly adventurous with food in recent weeks. He has a sweet tooth like his mummy, but will happily eat curries, soups and stews, as well as lots of fruit and veg.

He has mastered scribbling with a pen, as well as taking off pen lids, which is another test for those parenting reflexes, and his ability to open cupboards and drawers and reach ever-higher heights means that our "safe" places are becoming increasingly limited.

He has made huge progress with his language in recent weeks, which seems to have exploded out of nowhere. After months of wondering when he'd start to talk beyond lots of babbling, suddenly a whole vocabulary seems to have developed almost overnight. Mummy has finally made an appearance, along with the names of lots of his relatives, his nursery mates, lots of food  (pineapple was the first word I remember him saying clearly and suddenly realising he had definitely and deliberately copied me), as well as please, thank you, hello, goodbye, and get down, which is a particular favourite at the moment and makes shopping trips with him riding in the trolley slightly less relaxing than they used to be!

He is sleeping well, and just in the last few nights has taken to being put down in his cot awake and drifting off himself, when we realised he did this every day at nursery without any issue. He has taken to it with no problem at all, though I am feeling slightly bereft at no longer snuggling him to sleep each evening.

He is so much more than a list of milestones and achievements. It is easy, particularly as a first-time parent, to get caught up in each new skill; they come so quickly in these first years, and it is so exciting to witness each new stage of development. However, it can distract from the fact that a whole person is growing up in front of you. And what a person he is turning out to be.

He has a laugh that fills me with joy, and is incredibly happy. He usually wakes up smiling, chatting and pleased to see you, and loves to make others laugh too, watching you with a cheeky, expectant grin. Hide and seek, peek-a-boo and chase are all favourites.

He adores books, and will quite happily sit chatting to himself as he turns the pages. More often though he brings it to the nearest adult and reaches for cuddles and a story. He knows his favourites off-by-heart, and can join in with them even if we don't have the book, which has been particularly beneficial when stuck in long queues or in need of a distraction. Peepo, Goodnight Room, Each Peach Pear Plum and The Detective Dog are his top requests at the moment.

He loves to dance to music, and loves playing with water - even at mealtimes he gets caught up in pouring water between his cup and his bowl and splashing the resulting puddles everywhere. He has also started to join in with action songs which is lovely to see, though my fitness levels are being tested with repeated bouts of standing up, sitting down and running on the spot. I find Wind the Bobbin Up and Two Little Dickie Birds to be a little less involving!

He is quiet in new places, and when there are lots of people. I took him into my workplace when I was off recently, he didn't say a thing then promptly launched into lots of chatter the moment we left. He likes to take a situation in and get used to it rather than launch straight in. He also loves knowing how things work, pushing buttons, pressing switches, taking things apart and putting them back together. A little girl showed him a picture of teddy on the wall at the library, and gave it a hug and a kiss, which he dutifully copied. A little while later he wandered back over and gave the teddy another kiss, but then also started prodding the drawing pins trying to work out how they were keeping the picture on the wall.

He is becoming increasingly independent and determined, more sure of what he wants and keen to find ways to achieve it. He can be known to throw the occasional tantrum but is usually relatively easily diverted, though he definitely prefers to be on his own feet and exploring these days which can make trips out a test of physical endurance, and any opportunity for adult conversation tends to come in a few short bursts between following him into nooks and crannies and trying to avert disaster.

He is making the most of his new found voice, I doubt I will ever tire of hearing the word mummy and his smile as he says it, and every day at the moment seems to bring new words and new discoveries. He has settled wonderfully into nursery, which makes going to work much easier, and is reported to be a fan of messy play, eating and song time.

He is beautifully affectionate, gives incredible hugs, kisses and cuddles, and really loves his family. He is incredibly close to his grandparents, especially his great-grandad who is definitely his partner in crime, and its is wonderful to see. There is no better feeling than those few occasions when he has spontaneously reached up and given me a kiss without being asked, the love is indescribable. Millie is also the source of much of his energy, whether he is affectionately patting her, chasing her round, or feeding her contraband from his highchair. He seems to love all animals, gleefully pointing out doggies, dirbies (birds) and squirrels from the window, or on our walks, and likes to find, name and impersonate the animals in the pages of his favourite books (he does a particularly formidable Gruffalo growl at the moment).

He is amazingly laid-back. For all he is a bundle of energy, constantly on the go, I am repeatedly astounded by how easily he seems to adapt. Even big changes like stopping breast-feeding, or starting to go to sleep in his cot seem to be met with limited fuss. Starting nursery was a struggle, but that seemed more to do with being poorly, and as soon as he was on the mend, he took it to brilliantly. New routines and experiences don't seem to faze him and he remains constantly curious about the world around him.

He brings us absolute joy, and we feel very lucky to have such a loving, giggly, beautiful son. He is spirited, approaching life with gusto, and a confidence that has already taught me to be braver, more open to other people, more ready to see the good in the world, however simple all small. Life with him can be exhausting, and I am definitely not immune to the headache induced by an over-tired child, it is lovely to see his personality grow and to have the privilege to support him as he starts to navigate his way through life. He couldn't have made parenting any easier or more enjoyable and his cheeky charm makes every day brighter. We are utterly besotted, and can't wait to see what his future brings, and everything he is becoming.

sunday sense check #2

(I know it's actually Monday, but I had a spare 5 minutes to write this today, and I like my alliterative title too much to change it so forgive me the slight artistic licence!)

Seeing

This weekend we watched Concussion with Will Smith, curled up in bed on Saturday night (just re-read that sentence and should clarify Will Smith was in the film, not curled up in bed with us). It was a film I had seen the trailer for a good year or so ago and I really enjoyed it. It was the true story of an immigrant pathologist who identified the disease process that caused long-term health problems in American Football players due to their numerous head injuries, and the difficulties he faced trying to get the findings taken seriously by the profession. It was  involving without being too dark, and I thought it was brilliantly acted. On the subject of dark, The Husband has been watching the latest series of Black Mirror. He tends to filter the episodes for me, as it is often over the edge of what I find entertaining, as thought-provoking as they are. I thought the ones I did watch were as clever as always, and am intrigued to see where it goes next.

Hearing

Still coughing. T is mostly better but still is prone to coughing until he vomits each night so we are getting through a lot of washing. The Husband is still going with it too, especially at night, so not much sleep is being had round here one way or another. I'm feeling much better now though, which is something positive! On a chirpier note, I can't get this song out of my head, and there have been lots of dances around the kitchen with T when it comes on the radio. I'm usually a stickler for lyrics, if you've ever seen the film I Give It A Year, there is a running joke about misheard lyrics that is very true to life. The Husband's inability to ever sing the right words to a song is hilarious or frustrating depending on my mood! I was guilty of it myself with this song though, singing quite enthusiastically about being a "rebel with a kickstand" for rather longer than I care to admit.

Smelling

Candles again, I have a "Relax" candle lit as I type, and it is lovely. It is also helping disguise the pervading smell of the fish we had for dinner. I always wonder why I don't cook more fish and then the aroma clings afterwards and I remember!

Tasting

We went out for breakfast on Sunday to our local garden centre. I had been up since 5 with T, and we had our first breakfast around 6, so when The Husband suggested a trip out at 10 I was more than happy to let someone else cook a proper breakfast. I did do dinner for us and Grandad later on, so I got some time in the kitchen, having reflected on Instagram this week that I miss it when I don't make time to cook in a more relaxed way.

Feeling

I'm feeling a little done with January already. I try very hard not to wish time away, ever conscious of how precious it is, but I am ready for us all to be feeling back to full health and getting a bit more sleep. I've got an exam in a week that I haven't started revising for and I've also got a hospital procedure due at the end of the month which I'm keen to get over and done with just so that I can stop worrying that something might go wrong. It feels like there is a lot to "get through" in the next few weeks, and as though we are just trying to survive the days rather than being the shining examples of ourselves we hope to start the year as. However, it is good to be here, taking a little time to light a candle, snuggle with the dog, and write a few words. The house feels like home, we have a gentle week ahead and I am headed for a reasonably early night after a lovely day spent with T. 

sunday sense check

Seeing

Yesterday The Husband and I went to watch the latest Star Wars film at the cinema while my parents kindly had T for the day. The Husband despairs at how many classic films I have not seen, so over the Christmas break he brought me up to date will all 7 Star Wars films so that I could go with him to see number 8 and fully appreciate it! I really enjoyed it, and it was lovely to have some time just the two of us, even managing to go for breakfast before it started.

Hearing

Coughing, mostly! Mine has gradually settled after a few sleepless nights, but as I write this T is napping and his coughing is punctuating the silence. I'm hoping it won't be long until we have all beaten the bug once and for all, I don't know many people who haven't had it and it seems to be lingering a little.

Smelling

Freshly made coffee, courtesy of The Husband. This week I've also been making more of an effort to use some of the beautiful candles I have in almost every room of the house. I'm terrible at actually getting round to lighting them, but it makes such a difference to the mood.

Tasting

We seem to have eaten a lot of pizza this week, and we are rapidly discovering that what used to serve two of us comfortably is now having to be portioned out for three, as T has decided he takes after his daddy in his love of pizza. After lots of treats over Christmas I am having another period off sugar, just to break some of the habits I had returned to.

Feeling

I've been a little out of sorts these past few days, and it's been hard to put my finger on why. On a very superficial level I got a new phone and I always find the few days of transferring my number and getting re-set up can be a little tricky, especially at the moment while some of my accounts seem to be struggling to migrate across. I think more than that is the self-imposed pressure to start the year off on a positive, which for me means productive, note. I've devised a carefully drawn up plan of how and when I'm going to achieve all the different things I want to each week, be that calligraphy, photography, blogging, running or a host of other things. While I think it's good for me to recognise what things matter to me, and make time for them, I can start the year feeling under pressure to fill every minute. Particularly as we recover from our bugs, and get back into the swing of daily life after the break, I've gradually this week realised that it's just as good for me to have some earlier nights, later starts, and some moments of quiet that don't need to be filled with achievements. On that note I might make the most of what is left of nap time and sit peacefully with my book!

first things first

The first of January, the first day of a new week, month and year.

The first post for some time. It is strange to be back, I don't think I've ever had such a lengthy absence from blogging since I started, and I'm not altogether sure what happened. I suppose it was the realities of returning to work, balancing being a professional and a parent and the myriad of minutiae inbetween that insidiously absorb time until suddenly whole months have passed. In another way, though, I never really stopped. I have taken so many pictures, captured so many moments, written so many words in recent months, but all in my head. My commute to work is a particular source of creativity, as I have drafted whole posts, walked across a city playing with words and phrases that never made it beyond my imagination. I have stopped, for a fraction of moment, to notice a skyline, a shadow, a sunrise and taken a mental image, having neither the time nor the confidence to stop amongst the rush hour crowds and capture it properly.

I have often reflected that in some ways that is enough; to have developed the reflex of noticing, and appreciating, the tiny moments of the world around me, is positive in itself without actually needing to record it. In some ways it feels more genuine to acknowledge such sights, indulge in some internal wordplay, for the enjoyment alone, and not out of a need to share it, or in the hope of some form of feedback. Yet, despite that, here I am, because I missed the act of making some of those words and pictures more permanent, and in a time of promising to start new habits, I felt strongly that it was time to revisit one that has brought me joy.

This is the first post written on my new tablet-laptop hybrid that The Husband kindly got me for Christmas, having listened to me lament that if I was ever going to manage to blog again I needed to work out a way of doing it more efficiently. It is not the writing that I have issue with (ok, sometimes I dither and fret about whether the whole thing is cringingly self-indulgent as I hover over the publish button), but it is more what I believe is technically called workflow. I'm hoping this new set up might well make things more straightforward, but we shall see. I'm still wondering whether to move from blogger, and whether to scrap the whole thing and begin again, as there is so much I would change if I was starting from scratch now, but we shall see.

I also had my first ever attempt at a bullet journal today (blogger cliché bingo anyone?!). Rather than a whole new journal I have used the neglected squared paper in the back of my Filofax, yes I am still old-school when it comes to stationery, and have drawn up a few rudimentary pages. I will see how it goes, I can see it being a wonderful source of procrastination as I face an imminent exam in January.

And so the first awkward attempt at ending a blog post for 2018, hopefully I will be back again soon. Hopefully I will also revisit some much-loved and much-missed blogs in the coming weeks too. There is much to catch up on, but for now, Happy New Year.

Cookery Calendar Challenge: July

Hopefully I'll manage to sneak in this entry just before the link-up closes for this month's Cookery Calendar Challenge. I am somewhat short on pictures, not because I didn't take some, but because I could not find a way to make the dishes appear photogenic and I was wary that my photography might do a disservice to the recipes!

This month I used a new recipe book that The Husband bought for me. It is the recipe book that goes with Eat Well For Less, a television programme that we sometimes watch. I commented that it would be interesting to see some of the recipes they use, and The Husband proved himself to be a better listener than I sometimes give him credit for and got it for me.

Overall, I found this book really impressive. It is a very different style of book to the beautiful Rick Stein one I loved a few months ago, far more functional and practical, but a lot of thought has gone into how it is written. There is a lot of basic information at the start, and then some of the recipes have clever adaptations, such as making three different meals out of one base recipe. Additionally, it has a full meal planner for two weeks at the back, which includes plans for using leftovers of certain dishes, and a full shopping list to go along side them. I feel like it's a genuinely useful book, really accessible, and would be great for anyone who wants to improve their confidence with cooking in a structured way.

As a result, some of the recipes are incredibly basic, so much as I liked the sound of the chicken and pesto pasta, I didn't follow the recipe for this challenge as it was as simple as it sounds. The recipes I did choose though were all really successful, though as with other books, I was surprised that the curry dishes didn't include more vegetables, particularly for recipes that are supposed to be healthier where possible.

First up was Chicken Tikka Masala. Other than the lack of vegetables, it was a really simple, tasty dish.There was a little bit of marinating involved, but all of the ingredients were ones I already had in, and it made for a really enjoyable meal.

The Husband picked Chickpea and Sweetcorn Burgers, which were an amazing success. I didn't have bread rolls when I made them, so used wraps instead, and served them with some sweet potato fries, and they were brilliant. I was surprised that The Husband had picked them to begin with, but even more surprised by how much he raved about them, though I was inclined to agree with him. The flavour was great, and they were reminiscent of falafel, though far more successful than last time I tried to make it. The recipe also included a lovely salsa which was a nice addition, and I would like to try these again very soon!

Finally I made the Chicken Dhansak, which was a good dish for using the lentils sitting in the cupboard, and was also a really enjoyable way to cook chicken thighs, which I don't usually enjoy. Having made rather a huge amount as an attempt at batch cooking, I didn't end up eating it that night. However (and this gives you an insight into the lack of organisation in my freezer), I lifted out what I thought was chilli for tonight's dinner, only to find upon defrosting that it was in fact this dish. So I am able to report back and let you know that it was another really lovely meal, the honey adding a hint of sweetness and the chicken having become really tender.

Overall I was really pleased with the recipes I made from this book, and there are plenty more that I would like to try. Do head over to Penny's page to see what else people have been cooking this month, meanwhile I will go and pick out a book for August!

first things first

The first of August.

The first year of parenthood is almost complete. I can't even fathom how we are here already! I am officially already back at work, although I'm actually using up annual leave before I return in September. So this is my final full month at home with T, and in these next few weeks he will have his Christening, his first birthday and his first taster sessions at nursery.

So many firsts ahead, but there were also plenty to be had in July. We had our first night away without T, who was beautifully behaved for his grandparents and barely noticed our absence. We, of course, spent the majority of our trip talking about him and looking at pictures of him and generally being the stereotypical parents away from their baby for the first night.

This last few weeks have also included our first real experience of a poorly baby. Nothing major, thankfully, but there have been high temperatures, and rashes, and copious amounts of coughing and snottiness. It has been more than a little worrying but he is absolutely back to full fitness now and as he gets over closer to taking his first steps he clambers about the house at increasing speed wreaking havoc at all times.

This weekend also brought another first for that beautiful dog in the picture. After eight weeks of training my lovely Millie passed her Kennel Club Bronze Award on Sunday. The examiner even commented on how exceptional her recall was for a beagle and I practically exploded with pride. She has definitely had her life turned upside down since T has arrived and has taken to it all with her typical good nature and so it was such a lovely moment for the two of us to have achieved something together and to be able to make such a huge fuss of her, putting her centre of attention for a little while.

I don't know how this blog will go in the coming months, I feel like each time I come to these posts it is the first time I have written in weeks, but the fact that I am still here tapping away means that I still plan to keep trying to stick with it in some guise or another.

I'm looking forward to August, even if it holds a few lasts as well as lots of firsts. I think back to this time last year and the waiting, and am so grateful for where we are today. Hoping you all have some lovely summer plans for the month ahead.

Cookery Calendar Challenge: June

Based on how well used the other books in the series are, I bought the latest book in the Hairy Bikers' healthy eating series as soon as I realised it had been released. The latest one is The Hairy Dieters Go Veggie and, as the title might give away, it is a vegetarian cookbook. I was excited to try this, especially as I've been gradually increasing the amount of meat-free cooking I do, but I really struggled to find two recipes I actually wanted to make.

Firstly, it is one of those irritating books where the list of ingredients include a "sub-recipe". For example, I was going to make a chestnut and mushroom pie until I realised that the already long list of ingredients included a portion of potato pastry. This is one of their healthy adaptations which involves making pastry from potatoes to reduce the calories, but it also added more steps and ingredients, as did the inclusion of mushroom stock, which was another sub-recipe listed at the back of the book. More than in other books, I also found that this one included some unusual ingredients that weren't readily available. Mushroom ketchup, for example, and Kashmiri chilli powder, both of which proved elusive when I did an online shop. 

So I wasn't particularly hopeful about the recipes I picked, as they felt like the best of a very limited bunch, and The Husband's face looked less than enthralled at the idea of a veggie tea when he got home from work. However, the Sweet Potato Saag Aloo was absolutely delicious. It even prompted The Husband to admit that he had enjoyed it more than he was expecting to, and I found it really simple to make. The sauce felt a little thin as I served it up but it was fine, and this was well-flavoured, hearty dish that we would have again.

The next dish was curried pumpkin fritters with coriander dipping sauce. I substituted the pumpkin for butternut squash, which was suggested in the recipe, and doubled up on the ingredient quantities. I expected The Husband would want something else after, but they were nice enough to be considered a meal in themselves. Again the flavours were really impressive, and the recipe was really simple and a definite success. T also enjoyed trying these, and the leftovers stored in the fridge and were handy for his meals, and my lunch over the following few days. I'm glad I doubled the quantity up, both because there was more than enough squash, and because it made a lovely meal.

So, overall, I don't know where I am at with this book. I've been really impressed by the recipes I tried but I'm still struggling to find many dishes that don't require obsscure ingredients or sneaky additional recipes, which means I don't feel particularly tempted to try many of the others. It's been a real contrast to last month's book when I couldn't stop making dishes from it, and still have some I want to try.

I'm not sure what book I shall delve in to next, but I shall definitely be joining in again next month. In the meantime, do check out the challenge on Penny's page, and see what other people have been making too.

first things first

The first of July.

I'm feeling good about July. June was not a great month, there were plenty of great moments, but overall it was, what I believe is formally known as a bit of a flop. Right at the start of the month we met a friend for breakfast, and the waitress put the teapot down right in front of T, who promptly grabbed it before we could and scalded his hand. I'm only grateful that he only managed to slosh a little out of the spout rather than tip the whole thing over himself, and that autopilot kicked in and I got him to the toilets and under cold water almost as soon as I registered it was happening. He is absolutely fine now, and the blister has disappeared entirely, with no scarring, but much of the month was filled with bandages, dressings, appointments, worry, and a huge cloud of parental guilt. Add in my first visit back to work, which went brilliantly, but was hanging over me until it happened, lots of other niggles, including the most obnoxious cold-caller I have ever spoken to, and it made for a tense month over all.

However, today is a new month, and things are feeling much brighter already. This morning our beginners' running club did their first 5k of non-stop running, and as we rounded the corner to the finish, the rest of the club who had set off on their usual run ahead of us, were stood applauding us home. It was such a lovely, happy moment, and having for so long thought of running as a solo activity, I am thoroughly enjoying seeing it as a social sport.

July is my mum's birthday, and our wedding anniversary, and this will be our first as parents, and her first as a gran. We have a week away with T planned for our anniversary, followed by a night away just the two of us, our first time away from T overnight! 

July is also, officially, my first weeks back at work, as my 12 months of maternity leave comes to an end (how time has flown!). I am very lucky because I accrue my annual leave and bank holiday entitlement, and so I now take that in one block, which means although I will happily start to get paid again, I won't be going back to work physically until September, which I can still pretend is ages away yet.

This week will bring with it a trip out with a new friend, the first time we will have made the jump from chatting at various baby groups to actually socialising just the two of us (and babies too!), and also my first trip to the second of two book groups I have joined at the library. After a visit from a friend from work on Friday, catching up for the first time in months, I'll also be seeing another old work friend for her birthday tomorrow, and so its the first time in a while I've been feeling rather sociable.

So yes, July is feeling good, today there was ice-cream, and the park, and The Husband tidied while I was running so the spare bedrooms suddenly look like bedrooms rather than storage rooms for the first time since T was born. Tonight there has been Dr Who, and now a movie night, with our furry girl snuggled between us.

Wishing you all a very happy July.

Cookery Calendar Challenge: May

For this month's Cookery Calendar Challenge I browsed the library for a recipe book, and the prospect of the Bank Holiday Weekend ahead drew my eye to Rick Stein's Long Weekends. It wasn't until I saw it while out shopping this week that I realised it was a new release, and though I don't own any Rick Stein books, I absolutely loved this book, both in terms of style and content. I found so many delicious recipes that I extended the loan just so that I could get chance to try a few more, and I loved the fact that it was almost part travel journal, based, as it is, around different trips to Europe. There is even a section at the back recommending places to visit in different cities, and the photography is beautiful.

There were lots of pasta dishes that I wanted to try, and there were two that I still have bookmarked. I opted for Farfalle with Peas and Pancetta, as farfalle is The Husband's favourite type of pasta, and though I loved getting out the pasta machine and was reminded how simple homemade pasta is to make, I soon regretted not opting for dish with a simpler pasta shape! The bows were very fiddly to make, and I was close to giving up and just doing a few for show. Instead, The Husband made the sauce, while I carried on shaping, and T sat in his highchair watching with what I can only assume was bemusement. The final result was lovely, and I was glad to have had a go, in future though I think my home-made pasta will likely be tagliatelle!

If arancini is ever on the menu, The Husband will order it, so I had to make Arancini Salsiccia when I saw it in the book. I found myself making saffron risotto at half eight in the morning while T had his breakfast, and then the rest came together in various stages over the day. I served them with some garlic greens, and they were absolutely delicious. The sausagemeat with fennel was a beautiful flavour, and they made a brilliant, filling meal. They initially seemed quite labour intensive from reading the recipe, but each component was relatively simple and they were well worth the effort.

I also made a Kima Bougasta, described as a Crisp Pork and Beef Pie with Onions, Red Peppers and Oregano. It was pretty much that simple, and I must admit when I saw the minimal ingredients I thought it might possibly be a little bland but it was a rich, flavoursome, filo-topped pie. All of the ingredients were ones I usually have in, so this is definitely one I will be trying again. Not the most picturesque dish, admittedly, but it didn't last very long!

I branched out into a dessert this month, too, and made Filo Pastries with Vanilla Cream, almost like a baklava with a creme patissiere filling. Making the filo triangles was another labour intensive process, and although the flavours were great, I wouldn't be tempted to make these again any time soon as they took a long time. It was good to work with filo, and to see how the triangles puffed up in the oven and then expanded as they were piped with the filling, and they were a lot more successful than I expected. They also got rave reviews from my parents who received some to serve when they had friends round for dinner, so it felt like the effort was well appreciated!

I'm sure I've used some online recipes at some point this month, but I can't remember any at all after running through all of those! I was really impressed with this book, a great mixture of simple and more complex dishes, from a range of countries, and every single one of them a complete success. I have just purchased the Hairy Bikers' latest book, which is a vegetarian one, so I may well use that for next month, unless another library book catches my eye. To see what other people have been making, visit Penny's blog using the button below, where she hosts the monthly link up.