word of the week #15

It has been a strange week. There was the enjoyment of easter and the long weekend, lovely to spend time with family and have a break. However last week we got some news that a family friend had died suddenly, in an accident, leaving behind a young family.

It is desperately sad and I have found myself in an uneasy mood all week. It is something about that very sudden loss of life, the instantaneous nature of it, a moment between being living and dying, how immediately we can cease to be. I remember feeling very similar when someone at my university died suddenly in an accident. It is something other than grief, it is a sense that seems to creep under my skin and make me uncomfortable for a while. Whilst living each day as if it is your last can be galvanising, thinking that in any one second a life can be over without warning is somehow paralysing.

I know the mood will pass, the sadness at the loss will remain, but the fear about life's fragility will fade. For now though, I am grateful to have the means to express my thoughts here. I realise it isn't a cheerful read for anyone else, but even the act of articulating what I am feeling somehow makes it more easily overcome. We are away for the weekend, I went to work this morning in England and we will fall asleep now in Brussels, a city we have visited before and enjoyed very much. I am looking forward to the familiarity of this place, coupled with the change in mood that comes with a change in scenery. Some exploring with The Husband, and some easier days ahead.