two years

Somehow, in what feels like an instant, we are talking in years, rather than months, and I have a little

boy, not a baby. And what a little boy he is! He is such a character now, in the most delightful way, and loves to make others laugh. He can be a great mimic, and loves doing different voices. It is lovely to hear him, entirely lacking in any sense of  being self-conscious, singing at the top of his voice, purely for his own amusement. The rainbow song and 1,2,3,4,5 are some highlights of his repertoire, but my favourite is still hearing him call Humpty Dumpty "Hoppy Doppy", one of those childhood variations we have now all adopted.

However, despite his brilliant sense of humour, and his easy, beautifully affectionate nature with those he is close to, he also remains studiously inquisitive. We have taken him to a few children's theatre productions, and he watches intensely, taking in every detail, which he then animatedly recounts later. Given a new toy or in a new place he still likes to get to grips with how everything works, and with new books he listens intently and then likes to go back through pointing everything out. Books are a real shared love of us all, we go to the library each week, and I adore cuddling up with him reading stories, increasingly amazed by how many books he can recite off by heart. Favourites at the moment are the "What the Ladybird Heard" series, an "Alfie" book by Shirley Hughes which gave me all sorts of childhood nostalgia when he got it, and anything by Rachel Bright.

Given the chance he would be engrossed in a screen, and while it is nice to see him enjoying favourite programmes like In The Night Garden and Hey Duggee, I find it fascinating and worrying in equal measure how completely absorbed he becomes when they come on! Whilst I don't doubt the screen will be a useful diversion at times, particularly when the second baby comes along, I try to make sure it isn't how we spend the majority of our time, and also try to talk about things when we watch them. For his birthday, though, he got some toys with his favourite characters on, like a Peppa Pig tea set, and trains and books from In The Night Garden, and it has been lovely to watch him play with those. Diggers, blocks and tools are also popular, and he got out his own hammer and screwdriver to help his daddy put together some of his birthday toys! We also really noticed on holiday how much he loves exploring new places, be it a national trust garden, the seaside, or a playground, so we are trying to make it a more regular weekend activity to go out on "adventures" even if it just for a trip to a new park.

Our days have lots of little routines, which I love sharing with him. From a bath and a book before bedtime, saying goodbye to Millie when we leave, to going shopping, for breakfast and then swimming on our Wednesdays off together, I take joy in the tiny traditions we are creating. He chatters away, and I adore how we have got to the point of having proper conversations, and how well he communicates. We have, in recent months, entered the realms of pretend play, and his birthday gifts included a playhouse and kitchen, resulting in endless tea parties in the last few days. 

I won't pretend he is perfect, he can be cheeky, and gets giddy when he is tired. He has also developed an incredible skill for selective hearing, especially when tidying up or stopping doing something is involved. Tantrums are not unheard of, but currently aren't too frequent, and he can more often than not be quite quickly distracted. Bedtime and mealtimes can be a source of immense frustration, but not consistently so, and the vast majority of the time he makes parenting feel very easy. We haven't had too much experience of the irrational, illogical part of toddler personality yet (except one notable occasion when he cried because he wanted a yoghurt, while eating his yoghurt), though I am sure there is plenty to come.

He continues to be incredibly adaptable, having moved up to a new room at nursery this month with seemingly minimal fuss. It was incredible to watch through the door as he quickly joined straight in with new people in a new environment, and to hear how well he has settled in. On most days he eats really well, loves all sorts of fruit and quite a variety of vegetables, though at nursery he can be a bit hit and miss. He loves a "cappuccino" made of frothy milk, and is gradually trying more meat, though his favourite is definitely sausage. He absolutely has a sweet tooth, though for him the best part of his birthday cake has been blowing out the candles! He likes to help in the kitchen and will stir, pour, and join in as much as possible given the chance. He also loves to play in the sink, and can amuse himself for ages given a basin of water and lots of containers to splash about with.

My favourite picture from his birthday is the one above, because to me it represents so well what he has brought to our lives. He went around the whole of the zoo like this, arms flung wide as he dashed from one place to the next, the epitome of joy and excitement. It is such a daily revelation to see life through the eyes of a child, especially one who is so happy, and so open to the amazement of the world around him. He reminds me so frequently to giggle at the silliest things, to find awe and wonder in the simplest moments, to always be overjoyed to see those that you love and to not take anything too seriously, or for granted. I can't believe he has been part of our worlds for two years already, and I am so incredibly grateful for every single day we have had, and all that is to come.

sunday sense check

Seeing

The Husband got an email advertising free tickets to a local CBBC event this weekend, so we spent a lovely few hours there today. We had fun enjoying the sunshine, and the general festival atmosphere, and T was excited to recognise one or two characters from television. He loved running through the walled garden and seeing the animals in the farm too. It was great to have time as a family experiencing new things, something which we realised on holiday we wanted to try and do more of at weekends. We may have enjoyed some family nap time when we got home though!

Hearing

The incredible sound of our baby's heartbeat. We went this week for the 20 week scan, and all seemed well other than a baby rather like its mum who clearly felt that 8.30 in the morning was not a polite time to be bothered and so refused to cooperate with all of the efforts (mostly mine - examination couch yoga anyone?) to coax it into a more favourable position. Everything looked fine but we have to pop back in the next few weeks to try and finish off, and hopefully a late afternoon appointment will mean it is more amenable to a bit of activity. From there we popped to the antenatal unit at the hospital for some paperwork and caused a bit of panic when they realised I had been discharged from consultant care and that my community midwife appointment hadn't happened yet. It is all fine and sorted but the midwife there did a review and we got to hear the heart beating away which was a great end to the morning's appointments.

Smelling

Nothing that I can particularly remember, although the farmyard animals in the warm sunshine had a particularly pungent aroma today, as I'm sure you might imagine.

Tasting

Some hearty home cooking has been on the menu this weekend, toad in the hole last night and shepherd's pie this evening, after a few hours in the kitchen yesterday during nap time. It had been cooler earlier in the week when I did the shopping, and I can't claim that the idea of either meal particularly appealed in the hot weather but they turned out well and it was good to spend some time pottering in the kitchen with the radio on.

Feeling

A little overwhelmed that the weekend is over already. It has been a good balance, with a productive day yesterday and then a trip out doing something a little different today. It does seem to have gone really quickly though, and being out and about both days has meant that home feels a little unloved and I don't feel quite as prepared for the week ahead as I might like. However, there is always tomorrow for getting sorted, and right now I definitely feel ready for bed! 

first things first

The first of August.

The first time I've been here in quite a while. In some ways it is lovely to find this place unchanged, in other ways I'm desperate to give it an overhaul; but not tonight, not for now, just writing something feels maverick enough.

The first time actually pressing the publish button in many, many months, but not through neglect. Well, maybe a little bit of neglect, but I haven't forgotten this space. I have missed being here very much, I even have a few half written paragraphs all about trying and failing to post something, anything. Life has been busy, no more than anyone else's, but I have found myself just about making it through the days for such a long time that days became weeks became months, and the longer I was gone the harder it was to pop back. And now I am here and hopefully it will be easier to come back again soon.

The first post in a while on Instagram too, as I have joined in with the first day of the August Break prompts over on Instagram. A version of my first effort is above, but even trying to copy that picture onto here in a format that looked of vaguely decent quality felt a little beyond me tonight, operating on multiple devices as I am. I won't aim to post my attempts here each day but I do hope to join in on instagram this month, so you are welcome to go and view future efforts there if you like!

The first day today where I felt fully recovered from my decidedly middle aged injury last week in which I pulled a muscle in my back while looking at packets of herb seeds in a garden centre (having gone there for Sunday lunch and a spot of plant shopping). I have clearly not become any more rock and roll in my absence. Unfortunately I have immediately today managed to twinge my wrist picking up T and so I remain afflicted with minor aches and pains in a manner that is not quite fitting for a thirty two year old, let alone one who still thinks she is about nineteen.

The first week where I have been properly back at work after a lovely long break. We have been lucky to have numerous holidays since I last wrote, visiting Berlin, Madeira and just recently two weeks around South Wales and Hereford. I shall not delude myself that I am going to share some lovely posts about our adventures, much as I would like to it doesn't feel particularly realistic based on my current form, but we have had some wonderful family trips and it has been great to start exploring places further afield as a family.

The first month in which I will officially be the parent of a two year old. I'm not sure how that happened, and I will hopefully do a post around his birthday, but he remains equal parts cheekiness and loveliness despite growing up far too fast.

The first year in which I might officially be the parent of a two year old and a newborn. If all goes well we have a new arrival due in late December. If T sets an example for his new sibling, it could mean that we are actually into 2019 before it makes its appearance, but hopefully we have incredibly exciting times ahead.

And just like that the first post is done. I will try not to leave it so long next time, it is good to be back.

eighteen months

He turned eighteen months old this week. If anyone has any suggestions as to where exactly that time has gone I'd love to know!

He can walk, run and climb. The latter is a relatively new development, but he is using it constantly, making parenting a test of nerve and reflexes. He hasn't quite mastered jumping and the focus on his face when he sees someone else manage it is beautiful, as he tries to work out what he needs to do to make it happen.

He can eat and drink by himself, probably one his favourite past-times, and has become increasingly adventurous with food in recent weeks. He has a sweet tooth like his mummy, but will happily eat curries, soups and stews, as well as lots of fruit and veg.

He has mastered scribbling with a pen, as well as taking off pen lids, which is another test for those parenting reflexes, and his ability to open cupboards and drawers and reach ever-higher heights means that our "safe" places are becoming increasingly limited.

He has made huge progress with his language in recent weeks, which seems to have exploded out of nowhere. After months of wondering when he'd start to talk beyond lots of babbling, suddenly a whole vocabulary seems to have developed almost overnight. Mummy has finally made an appearance, along with the names of lots of his relatives, his nursery mates, lots of food  (pineapple was the first word I remember him saying clearly and suddenly realising he had definitely and deliberately copied me), as well as please, thank you, hello, goodbye, and get down, which is a particular favourite at the moment and makes shopping trips with him riding in the trolley slightly less relaxing than they used to be!

He is sleeping well, and just in the last few nights has taken to being put down in his cot awake and drifting off himself, when we realised he did this every day at nursery without any issue. He has taken to it with no problem at all, though I am feeling slightly bereft at no longer snuggling him to sleep each evening.

He is so much more than a list of milestones and achievements. It is easy, particularly as a first-time parent, to get caught up in each new skill; they come so quickly in these first years, and it is so exciting to witness each new stage of development. However, it can distract from the fact that a whole person is growing up in front of you. And what a person he is turning out to be.

He has a laugh that fills me with joy, and is incredibly happy. He usually wakes up smiling, chatting and pleased to see you, and loves to make others laugh too, watching you with a cheeky, expectant grin. Hide and seek, peek-a-boo and chase are all favourites.

He adores books, and will quite happily sit chatting to himself as he turns the pages. More often though he brings it to the nearest adult and reaches for cuddles and a story. He knows his favourites off-by-heart, and can join in with them even if we don't have the book, which has been particularly beneficial when stuck in long queues or in need of a distraction. Peepo, Goodnight Room, Each Peach Pear Plum and The Detective Dog are his top requests at the moment.

He loves to dance to music, and loves playing with water - even at mealtimes he gets caught up in pouring water between his cup and his bowl and splashing the resulting puddles everywhere. He has also started to join in with action songs which is lovely to see, though my fitness levels are being tested with repeated bouts of standing up, sitting down and running on the spot. I find Wind the Bobbin Up and Two Little Dickie Birds to be a little less involving!

He is quiet in new places, and when there are lots of people. I took him into my workplace when I was off recently, he didn't say a thing then promptly launched into lots of chatter the moment we left. He likes to take a situation in and get used to it rather than launch straight in. He also loves knowing how things work, pushing buttons, pressing switches, taking things apart and putting them back together. A little girl showed him a picture of teddy on the wall at the library, and gave it a hug and a kiss, which he dutifully copied. A little while later he wandered back over and gave the teddy another kiss, but then also started prodding the drawing pins trying to work out how they were keeping the picture on the wall.

He is becoming increasingly independent and determined, more sure of what he wants and keen to find ways to achieve it. He can be known to throw the occasional tantrum but is usually relatively easily diverted, though he definitely prefers to be on his own feet and exploring these days which can make trips out a test of physical endurance, and any opportunity for adult conversation tends to come in a few short bursts between following him into nooks and crannies and trying to avert disaster.

He is making the most of his new found voice, I doubt I will ever tire of hearing the word mummy and his smile as he says it, and every day at the moment seems to bring new words and new discoveries. He has settled wonderfully into nursery, which makes going to work much easier, and is reported to be a fan of messy play, eating and song time.

He is beautifully affectionate, gives incredible hugs, kisses and cuddles, and really loves his family. He is incredibly close to his grandparents, especially his great-grandad who is definitely his partner in crime, and its is wonderful to see. There is no better feeling than those few occasions when he has spontaneously reached up and given me a kiss without being asked, the love is indescribable. Millie is also the source of much of his energy, whether he is affectionately patting her, chasing her round, or feeding her contraband from his highchair. He seems to love all animals, gleefully pointing out doggies, dirbies (birds) and squirrels from the window, or on our walks, and likes to find, name and impersonate the animals in the pages of his favourite books (he does a particularly formidable Gruffalo growl at the moment).

He is amazingly laid-back. For all he is a bundle of energy, constantly on the go, I am repeatedly astounded by how easily he seems to adapt. Even big changes like stopping breast-feeding, or starting to go to sleep in his cot seem to be met with limited fuss. Starting nursery was a struggle, but that seemed more to do with being poorly, and as soon as he was on the mend, he took it to brilliantly. New routines and experiences don't seem to faze him and he remains constantly curious about the world around him.

He brings us absolute joy, and we feel very lucky to have such a loving, giggly, beautiful son. He is spirited, approaching life with gusto, and a confidence that has already taught me to be braver, more open to other people, more ready to see the good in the world, however simple all small. Life with him can be exhausting, and I am definitely not immune to the headache induced by an over-tired child, it is lovely to see his personality grow and to have the privilege to support him as he starts to navigate his way through life. He couldn't have made parenting any easier or more enjoyable and his cheeky charm makes every day brighter. We are utterly besotted, and can't wait to see what his future brings, and everything he is becoming.

sunday sense check #2

(I know it's actually Monday, but I had a spare 5 minutes to write this today, and I like my alliterative title too much to change it so forgive me the slight artistic licence!)

Seeing

This weekend we watched Concussion with Will Smith, curled up in bed on Saturday night (just re-read that sentence and should clarify Will Smith was in the film, not curled up in bed with us). It was a film I had seen the trailer for a good year or so ago and I really enjoyed it. It was the true story of an immigrant pathologist who identified the disease process that caused long-term health problems in American Football players due to their numerous head injuries, and the difficulties he faced trying to get the findings taken seriously by the profession. It was  involving without being too dark, and I thought it was brilliantly acted. On the subject of dark, The Husband has been watching the latest series of Black Mirror. He tends to filter the episodes for me, as it is often over the edge of what I find entertaining, as thought-provoking as they are. I thought the ones I did watch were as clever as always, and am intrigued to see where it goes next.

Hearing

Still coughing. T is mostly better but still is prone to coughing until he vomits each night so we are getting through a lot of washing. The Husband is still going with it too, especially at night, so not much sleep is being had round here one way or another. I'm feeling much better now though, which is something positive! On a chirpier note, I can't get this song out of my head, and there have been lots of dances around the kitchen with T when it comes on the radio. I'm usually a stickler for lyrics, if you've ever seen the film I Give It A Year, there is a running joke about misheard lyrics that is very true to life. The Husband's inability to ever sing the right words to a song is hilarious or frustrating depending on my mood! I was guilty of it myself with this song though, singing quite enthusiastically about being a "rebel with a kickstand" for rather longer than I care to admit.

Smelling

Candles again, I have a "Relax" candle lit as I type, and it is lovely. It is also helping disguise the pervading smell of the fish we had for dinner. I always wonder why I don't cook more fish and then the aroma clings afterwards and I remember!

Tasting

We went out for breakfast on Sunday to our local garden centre. I had been up since 5 with T, and we had our first breakfast around 6, so when The Husband suggested a trip out at 10 I was more than happy to let someone else cook a proper breakfast. I did do dinner for us and Grandad later on, so I got some time in the kitchen, having reflected on Instagram this week that I miss it when I don't make time to cook in a more relaxed way.

Feeling

I'm feeling a little done with January already. I try very hard not to wish time away, ever conscious of how precious it is, but I am ready for us all to be feeling back to full health and getting a bit more sleep. I've got an exam in a week that I haven't started revising for and I've also got a hospital procedure due at the end of the month which I'm keen to get over and done with just so that I can stop worrying that something might go wrong. It feels like there is a lot to "get through" in the next few weeks, and as though we are just trying to survive the days rather than being the shining examples of ourselves we hope to start the year as. However, it is good to be here, taking a little time to light a candle, snuggle with the dog, and write a few words. The house feels like home, we have a gentle week ahead and I am headed for a reasonably early night after a lovely day spent with T. 

sunday sense check

Seeing

Yesterday The Husband and I went to watch the latest Star Wars film at the cinema while my parents kindly had T for the day. The Husband despairs at how many classic films I have not seen, so over the Christmas break he brought me up to date will all 7 Star Wars films so that I could go with him to see number 8 and fully appreciate it! I really enjoyed it, and it was lovely to have some time just the two of us, even managing to go for breakfast before it started.

Hearing

Coughing, mostly! Mine has gradually settled after a few sleepless nights, but as I write this T is napping and his coughing is punctuating the silence. I'm hoping it won't be long until we have all beaten the bug once and for all, I don't know many people who haven't had it and it seems to be lingering a little.

Smelling

Freshly made coffee, courtesy of The Husband. This week I've also been making more of an effort to use some of the beautiful candles I have in almost every room of the house. I'm terrible at actually getting round to lighting them, but it makes such a difference to the mood.

Tasting

We seem to have eaten a lot of pizza this week, and we are rapidly discovering that what used to serve two of us comfortably is now having to be portioned out for three, as T has decided he takes after his daddy in his love of pizza. After lots of treats over Christmas I am having another period off sugar, just to break some of the habits I had returned to.

Feeling

I've been a little out of sorts these past few days, and it's been hard to put my finger on why. On a very superficial level I got a new phone and I always find the few days of transferring my number and getting re-set up can be a little tricky, especially at the moment while some of my accounts seem to be struggling to migrate across. I think more than that is the self-imposed pressure to start the year off on a positive, which for me means productive, note. I've devised a carefully drawn up plan of how and when I'm going to achieve all the different things I want to each week, be that calligraphy, photography, blogging, running or a host of other things. While I think it's good for me to recognise what things matter to me, and make time for them, I can start the year feeling under pressure to fill every minute. Particularly as we recover from our bugs, and get back into the swing of daily life after the break, I've gradually this week realised that it's just as good for me to have some earlier nights, later starts, and some moments of quiet that don't need to be filled with achievements. On that note I might make the most of what is left of nap time and sit peacefully with my book!

first things first

The first of January, the first day of a new week, month and year.

The first post for some time. It is strange to be back, I don't think I've ever had such a lengthy absence from blogging since I started, and I'm not altogether sure what happened. I suppose it was the realities of returning to work, balancing being a professional and a parent and the myriad of minutiae inbetween that insidiously absorb time until suddenly whole months have passed. In another way, though, I never really stopped. I have taken so many pictures, captured so many moments, written so many words in recent months, but all in my head. My commute to work is a particular source of creativity, as I have drafted whole posts, walked across a city playing with words and phrases that never made it beyond my imagination. I have stopped, for a fraction of moment, to notice a skyline, a shadow, a sunrise and taken a mental image, having neither the time nor the confidence to stop amongst the rush hour crowds and capture it properly.

I have often reflected that in some ways that is enough; to have developed the reflex of noticing, and appreciating, the tiny moments of the world around me, is positive in itself without actually needing to record it. In some ways it feels more genuine to acknowledge such sights, indulge in some internal wordplay, for the enjoyment alone, and not out of a need to share it, or in the hope of some form of feedback. Yet, despite that, here I am, because I missed the act of making some of those words and pictures more permanent, and in a time of promising to start new habits, I felt strongly that it was time to revisit one that has brought me joy.

This is the first post written on my new tablet-laptop hybrid that The Husband kindly got me for Christmas, having listened to me lament that if I was ever going to manage to blog again I needed to work out a way of doing it more efficiently. It is not the writing that I have issue with (ok, sometimes I dither and fret about whether the whole thing is cringingly self-indulgent as I hover over the publish button), but it is more what I believe is technically called workflow. I'm hoping this new set up might well make things more straightforward, but we shall see. I'm still wondering whether to move from blogger, and whether to scrap the whole thing and begin again, as there is so much I would change if I was starting from scratch now, but we shall see.

I also had my first ever attempt at a bullet journal today (blogger cliché bingo anyone?!). Rather than a whole new journal I have used the neglected squared paper in the back of my Filofax, yes I am still old-school when it comes to stationery, and have drawn up a few rudimentary pages. I will see how it goes, I can see it being a wonderful source of procrastination as I face an imminent exam in January.

And so the first awkward attempt at ending a blog post for 2018, hopefully I will be back again soon. Hopefully I will also revisit some much-loved and much-missed blogs in the coming weeks too. There is much to catch up on, but for now, Happy New Year.